The Vanguard of my seduction
by SparklyQuarians
Summary: Tali ropes Shepard into helping her seduce Zaal'Koris, unaware he has feelings for Shepard. Shepard and Koris unintentionally fall into bed, leading to a secret love affair, that could cost more than friendships. Mature Themes. Chapter 2 Edited to make it better.
1. Prologue

_**Authors Notes: If you're wondering, I love Quarians.**_

_**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**_

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**Prologue**

Admiral Zaal'Koris stood among the ruins of London. He looked at Admiral Han'Gerrel, who shook his head, it was hopeless, Commander Shepard was nowhere to be found. Koris walked towards an imposing clock tower, he looked up in awe, an indestructible landmark stood proud among the ruins. He got a strange sense of beckoning, like the tower was pulling him towards it.

As Koris got closer, he understood the feeling. He started to run towards the tower, a broken figure became clearer as he got closer. Kneeling down beside the figure, he turn it over, revealing the bloodied face of Commander Shepard. He touched her face tentatively, pulling bloody hair away. She coughed hard, startling Koris, he pulled her head to his lap, trying to comfort her.

Eventually help came, rushing Shepard to the closest hospital. Koris looked down at his hands, covered in blood. He looked for anything he could use to wipe the blood off. Gerrel signalled to him, a shuttle had arrived to take them back to the Neema.

He got to his room on the Neema, laying on his bed, thinking of Shepard, slipping into his memories.

_Koris walked into the Starboard observation deck, determined to thank Shepard properly for saving him and his crew. He saw her standing by the window, forehead pressed against it. He coughed to get her attention, "Commander?"_

"_Hello Admiral, what do I owe the pleasure?"_

"_I wanted to thank you for saving me and my crew."_

_Shepard pushed herself off the window, reaching to undo her hair from its normal place on her head. The black and red locks fell down her back, "You don't have to thank me Admiral, just doing my duty."_

"_If you hadn't the rest of the civilian fleet might have been destroyed."_

"_Civilian Captains are staying?"_

"_Yes, they found out what you did to save me, they feel like they owe you."_

"_They don't owe me anything."_

_Koris debated on whether to leave, he didn't want to make her talk more than she wanted too, but her alluring nature, made it really impossible to leave. He decided to stay and be sympathetic, "Commander, Are you ok?"_

_Shepard shrugged her shoulders, "If you want the truth, downtimes are lonely. I lost my lover a few months back, its hard to grieve when a galaxy is relying on you."_

_Koris felt his heart sink, he wasn't entirely sure why, "Tell me about him."_

_Shepard sighed, "His name was Thane Krios, he was Drell. He was amazing and completely unique."_

"_He must have been to draw you to him."_

_Shepard laughed a little, "Praise, coming from you."_

"_I know I haven't been the nicest to you."_

"_It's ok, Admiral."_

"_I must go. Commander, whatever happens, we are on your side."_

"_Thank you, Admiral."_

_Koris reached up to touch her face, Shepard leaned into his touch, grateful of the comfort he offered, he spoke softly to her, "Fly safe, Commander."_

"_And you, Admiral."_

Koris sighed, he shouldn't feel the way he did about the Human Commander, but he couldn't help himself, she had a pull, that drew people to her. Koris sighed again, he could only pray for her now.


	2. The art of Seduction never goes to plan

_**Authors Notes: We are year after the Reaper defeat in 2188 from now on.**_

_**I dont subscribe to Bioware's questionable science between Levo and Dextro, so Koris and Shepard going at it isn't fatal3**_

_**Mordin secretly worked on a treatment to help the Quarians build the immune system so they can live without the suits.**_

_**I had help from a Dear friend and Author MoonSword1994. So thanks to her for her wisdom and beautiful descriptive talents.**_

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**The art of Seduction never goes right**

Shepard slipped into the dark red, knee length, silk dress, sighing about the evening she was faced with. Going out with the Quarian admirals whom had made her and her crew do their dirty work just a few months ago was not the most appealing way to spend an entire evening of her much needed shore leave, but it was to cement their allegiance so she could not argue with the logic.

Besides, Tali would be with her, so she could escape if she needed to though it was unlikely Tali would ever get bored enough to actually duck out on the admirals, considering the fact she was now one of them. She sighed there were worse ways to spend an evening, she could be out with Kaidan or calibrating with Garrus, at least she was getting a free meal out of the deal, it was the least they could do for her after all she had done for them.

Shepard heard footsteps behind her, turning around she saw Tali enter the room, her hands wringing in nervousness, "So, how do I look, Shepard?"

Shepard looked over Tali, instead of her usual envirosuit she was wearing an rather fetching white gown that revealed her shapely form even more so than the suit had, her dark hair was swept up in curls on top of her head.

"Wow, Tali, you look incredible." said Shepard, smiling at her friend, trying to ease her anxiety.

Tali gave her a nervous grin, carefully placing her hands at her sides, "You think so? I don't think I'm ever going to get used to not wearing the suit."

"And I'm never going to get used to not seeing you without it," chuckled Shepard as she embraced Tali, "Count your lucky stars that Mordin had been working on treatments long before now."

"I do every time I smell the fragrance of a rose," said Tali dreamily.

"How do I look?" Shepard asked, while attempting to do the zip up on her dress.

"Dangerous," Tali laughed, helping Shepard finally get the zip up.

"Okay, let's get this night over with, I can only play nice for so long." sighed Shepard as she scrutinized herself in the mirror one last time before deeming herself acceptable.

"Oh, really? Why are you so eager to get away, think about all the hot guys." said Tali teasingly.

"Like who?"

"Admiral Koris."

Shepard raised an eyebrow, "Excuse me?"

"Don't tell me you haven't noticed how handsome the admiral is," said Tali as she spun around in her dress, "The way he carries himself with such confidence, his chiseled muscles under the tight fabric of his suit, the way his eyes gleam when he's excited."

Shepard repressed the urge to moan, she had indeed noticed all of these things about the admiral and just the thought of those arms wrapped around her waist was enough to bring her to her knees in ecstasy, "Okay, why are you telling me any of this?"

Tali stopped spinning around, looking down bashfully at her feet, "I need your help, Shepard."

Shepard raised an eyebrow, "With what?"

Tali did not seem to know how to voice her request, "I, um, want to try and seduce him."

Shepard blinked, trying to comprehend the words she had just said, "Why?"

"He's amazing!" exclaimed Tali happily, "Oh the way he speaks during the meetings, it's enough to make you want to cry out in heated passion 'Take me now, Koris! Right here on the table!'"

Shepard chuckled, "Wow, you've got it bad Tali, but if he's the one you want I'll be more than happy to help you."

Tali smiled, "Thank you so much, Shepard! You have no idea with this means to me!"

"So, how do you want to do this?" asked Shepard the thrill of the chase running down her spine.

"I hadn't really thought that much ahead," admitted Tali, "Do you think it'd be possible to get him up here to the apartment? Make it sound like you have business to discuss with him and then I'll come by later."

Shepard thought it over, the task seemed simple enough, "Okay, I could tell him there are some things that need to be taken care of before he joins us on the ship."

"Sounds like a good plan," said Tali happily, "I'm so excited!"

Shepard smiled, remembering how she had felt when she was with Thane, how the rush of hormones had made her act like a giddy school girl. This was different, seeing the happiness and excitement instead of being the one experiencing it, she liked this change at least it would mean her heart would not be the one getting broken for once.

Shepard and Tali finally arrived at the restaurant, drawing instant attention from several onlookers and patrons, neither one really paying attention to the wolf whistles and whispers. When they entered the restaurant proper, Shepard looked around the room and her eyes rested on Koris and Gerrel whom seemed to be engaged in a very deep conversation. She couldn't help staring at them, she really had not expected two Admirals, whom she begrudgingly respected but still deemed a major pain in her ass, as completely and utterly handsome.

Koris had black curly hair, the last feature she ever expected him to have. She liked it, it gave him a dark appeal. He looked at her, his glowing eyes searing a hole right through her. He was aged of course, given the fact he was an admiral but not old, handsome in a way much like Anderson and Hackett. His face was perfectly structured, she was fascinated by the black ridges on his forehead and chin and oh God his ears, she chuckled at how cute Quarian ears were. His skin almost glowed, like it was begging to be caressed by her fingertips. He was dressed in, what she guessed, was newly acquired formal wear not as restrictive as the enviro-suit or stuffy as dress blues.

She kept looking at him, entranced by his otherworldly beauty and could not pull her eyes away from him. He was far too handsome for his own good, and he was gonna be on her ship, she didn't like it.

Koris felt his skin alight, she was around he knew just by the tingling sensation running down his spine he knew only her gaze could create. That woman did strange things to him. He looked around the room, his glimmering eyes finding turquoise orbs watching him, as if he was a new breed of creature she was studying him intensely. He in turn studied her, seeing the way her cream colored skin came to life in the dim light of the restaurant, and how her light red hair seemed to have more life than Tali's pitch black hair, she looked dangerous even in this civil setting, he knew she was beautiful and extremely deadly.

A hand waved across his face, "What?" he hissed.

Han rolled his eyes, "Stop staring at her."

"Who?" asked Koris, trying to keep the lilt out of his voice.

"Shepard," scoffed Han, "It couldn't be more obvious."

Several male members of the Conclave sniggered at the Admiral, he was keen on Shepard, it was obvious.

"She's coming this way," Han smirked at Koris who tried to avert his eyes to anywhere but Shepard's full heaving chest.

"Ah, Commander Shepard," said Han, giving her a sweeping bow as she approached, "Admiral Zorah, a pleasure as always."

"Han," said Shepard, smiling at the admiral, "thank you for inviting me out for dinner, it is an unexpected delight."

"As are you, Commander," said Han, then he turned to Tali, "Admiral, I'm glad you could also be persuaded to join us out for a night."

"I would never pass up the chance, Gerrel," replied Tali, her gaze resting on Koris who was looking away from both women.

"Shall we proceed to our table?" asked Han when he noticed how despondent Koris was being at this moment in time. Shepard and Tali both nodded, and Gerrel took Tali on his arm leaving Shepard with Koris who seemed rather hesitant to extend his arm to her though she took it nonetheless.

The dinner proceeded with very little excitement, aside from Shepard attempting to get Koris and Tali talking. She tried several different conversation routes that would allow both him and Tali ample opportunity to have a decent talk but Koris seemed rather determined to remain mostly silent unless it was Han or herself that spoke to him directly. Tali was starting to look rather distressed that he was not paying her the slightest bit of attention and she motioned for Shepard to accompany her to the restroom.

"Keelah, this isn't going very well is it?" asked Tali as she reapplied some lipgloss, Shepard leaned against the granite countertop and watched her engage in her strange beauty ritual.

"Just give it a few more minutes," said Shepard in a reassuring tone, "He's obviously interested, maybe he's just nervous."

Tali nodded, "I hope you're right, keelah, I hope this works."

"Don't worry, Tali," said Shepard, wrapping her arm securely around her shoulders as they left the restroom, Shepard silently cursing Koris for being so dense.

When they arrived back at the table they saw Han and Koris standing from the table with the check in hand, and she felt Tali trembling underneath her grip, she was nervous that the night had been an absolute failure. Shepard was not about to let this happen to Tali, not while she was there to help, and she was hell bent on getting Koris to the apartment one way or another.

"Thank you ladies, but I'm afraid we've had to cut the evening short," said Han, "Tali, there are a few things we'll need to discuss before the meeting tomorrow morning, is now a convenient time?"

Tali's gaze shifted from Shepard to Koris and then to Han, her silence on the subject creating an air of tension and suspicion around the small party. It was not until Shepard nudged her that she was able to even gather the courage to speak.

"Yes, now's good," said Tali, glancing at Shepard, "Maybe we could talk at the bar? I could really use a drink right now."

Han chuckled, "Of course, Tali, whatever works best for you. Koris, I must take my leave, I will see you in the morning for the debrief."

"Of course, Admiral," said Koris, and he glanced at Shepard who gave him a small smile, "I've been meaning to read over those files on the Normandy, if I'm going to be on this magnificent ship, I must learn all there is to know about her."

Shepard inwardly beamed, here was the opportunity she had been waiting all evening for.

"Koris, now might be an excellent time to discuss certain protocol that is going to be expected of you once you're on the Normandy. Why don't you come to my apartment later, it'll be easier to talk there," Shepard said confidently before walking towards the door, Tali trailing after her.

Gerrel looked at Koris, a sly grin on his face, "I think, you're in luck."

Koris felt blush creeping into his cheeks, perhaps this night would not be a colossal waste of time.

Tali grabbed Shepard's hand before she left through the door, a huge smile on her face, "Thank you, Shepard, you're the best."

"Don't mention it," said Shepard with a smirk and she left the restaurant, wondering if Koris would actually show up and if he did, would he be receptive of Tali's affection.

Koris showed up to her apartment, pondering what the others had said to him. He largely ignored it, Shepard couldn't be interested in someone like him, she was the fiercest warrior he had ever known and he knew about how many times she had been hurt in love especially he did not think she would be willing to open up her heart again to someone. He knocked on the door, his heart pounding in his chest, Keelah why was he so nervous? She just wanted to discuss the Normandy, not how many different places he could have her in the apartment.

The door slid open, revealing Shepard. Koris' body betrayed him, his blood pressure soaring, his entire body shaking. She stood in front of him, framed perfectly in the doorway wearing a pair of black yoga shorts, and a much too large sweatshirt that hung off one shoulder, revealing a delicate hint of her breasts, telling him she wore no bra underneath.

"Come in, Admiral," she said coolly stepping aside to allow him to enter her apartment.

"So you wanted to discuss things?" said Koris as he looked around the apartment, taking in the grandeur of the space.

Shepard closed the door and turned to face him, her arms crossed around her chest, "Yes, there's one thing I want to make absolutely clear, the Normandy is my ship and I rule. I know you're an admiral, but you're going to be a guest on my ship, with very limited power over the day to day aspects of the Normandy. "Are we clear?"

"We are." replied Koris following her to the bar in the other room, taking a seat as she started mixing drinks.

"Thank you." said Shepard curtly, trying not to notice the way the muscles in his arms tightened as he sat them on the counter, leaning in close so he could hear her better.

"Its for our mutual benefit to get along," said Koris, averting his eyes from the view of her luscious rear end, "you are the Human ambassador after all."

"Not sure why they need an ambassador," said Shepard tightly, as she juiced a lemon, "there's already a councilor."

"Something to keep you out of trouble perhaps." said Koris with a smrik, watching the light dance in her eyes.

Shepard snorted, handing him a drink, "As if that could ever work for me."

"That is true," agreed Koris as he swirled the ice in his drink, "Trouble seems to follow you."

"It does, remember it saved your life," said Shepard a sad smile on her full, delicate lips as she sipped her own drink.

Koris's face fell, thoughts of his lost crew mates collecting in the front of his mind, "Yes, I remember that day very clearly."

Shepard saw the look on his face and rested her hand on his shoulder, gently squeezing it, in her new position she noticed a few silver hairs shining among the rich black curls, "Pain like that never goes away, does it?"

"No, It doesn't. You of course know all too well," said Koris, lifting his eyes to meet hers, getting lost in the turquoise sea.

"I do," said Shepard, her voice quiet, "twenty-one crew from SR-1, three on SR-2. Everyone on Mindoir."

Koris put his hand on the one of hers on his shoulder, "Your family?"

Shepard was silent before she spoke, the words still painful to utter, "Yeah, them too."

"I'm sorry," said Koris, squeezing her hand.

Shepard sighed, her barriers starting to ebb away, "Even my love life is a disaster of epic proportions."

"Yes, Thane," said Koris, attempting to keep the jealousy out of his voice, "Tali told me about what happened to him, it was an honorable act, saving the councilor."

"I know," whispered Shepard, fighting back the welling tears, "I was going to lose him any way. Still hurts though."

"There's another burdening your thoughts?" asked Koris, seeing the pain in her beautiful eyes.

"Yes, one of my crew," spat Shepard, her hand dropping from his shoulder, both immediately feeling the loss of warmth.

"The one who called you a traitor," said Koris bluntly, never having cared for the person they were speaking of since first meeting him.

"Yes, that still burns," muttered Shepard sharply, "I forgave him enough to be on my crew, but he'll never have my heart again."

"Shepard, it would take someone worthy to make you happy, you aren't just any woman," whispered Koris not knowing for sure if what he was saying was in fact what she needed to hear.

Shepard looked from Koris to the clock on the wall above the bar, Tali was late and the more Koris and she spoke, the less control she found she had over her urges, "What kind of woman am I, Zaal?"

Koris turned to look at her at the sound of his first name, "You are a strong, independent, confident, beautiful, graceful, and incredibly unique woman. All of these are traits that weaker men would find extremely intimating."

Shepard chuckled, "So I should just forget men?"

"No," replied Koris a little too quickly, "you should just wait until someone worthy comes along."

"Oh, so I should stop kissing frogs, then right?" asked Shepard coyly.

Koris looked at her bemused, "Frogs, Shepard?"

"Oh, it's just an old saying from human fairytales," replied Shepard, suddenly embarrassed for having brought up the subject, "A princess kisses a frog and he turns into a handsome Prince."

"You Humans are strangely fascinating at times," sighed Koris, "I hope to never understand you."

Shepard chuckled, absentmindedly playing with a piece of loose hair, "I'm fascinating all the time."

Koris smiled, standing up from his chair, crossing the room to be at her side, "That you are, Shepard."

Shepard and Koris and looked each for a while, until Shepard couldn't take it anymore, "Oh Keelah, just kiss me, Zaal."

Koris didn't need to be told twice, hungrily claiming her mouth with his own, pinning her against the bar. He ran his tongue over her bottom lip, enjoying the taste of her. He felt her tongue invade his mouth, battling with his own.

Shepard nipped on his bottom lip as she pulled away, panting, "We should stop or at the very least take this to the bedroom."

"Bedroom, by all of the gods, Shepard if I don't have you now it will be the end of me," panted Koris.

Shepard grinned, "I didn't realize you were such a romantic, Zaal."

"You have much to learn, Commander," whispered Koris huskily in her ear, sending a wave of pleasant chills down her spine.

Shepard led him to the nearest bedroom, pushing him down on the bed. She gave him a dangerous smirk, stripping what clothes she had off her body and climbing onto the bed, her body achingly close to his, "You're still clothed, Zaal."

Koris felt an instant reaction, her statement sounding more like an order to get undressed, "So do something about it, Calliope."

Shepard shivered over his used her first name. She ran her hands over his body, he was firmer than a human male, much more lean and she could only imagine how their bodies would feel pressed against each other. Shepard found the hidden zips that kept her hands from his skin. She lowered one zip, slowly revealing his chest to her, he had dark ridges on his chest, which was surprisingly well defined much to her pleasure.

Koris watched her as she explored him, she seemed to approve. He looked at her body, the gentle curves of her hips and swell of her breasts, he desperately wanted to touch her flat stomach and the pink pebbles that just begged to be sucked on, but he didn't wanna disturb her ministrations. He felt electricity race through his body as soon as she touched his skin, it felt like a delicious fire, setting his skin alight and blinding him temporarily with pleasure. Shepard quickly relieved him of his trousers, allowing his painful erection to have some freedom, and he leaned against the pillows very much aware that her eyes were now on his throbbing manhood.

Shepard licked her lips, giving him a look that nearly sent him over the edge instantly. She licked the tip, delighting in the unique taste, and relishing in the shivers she could feel running through Koris's toned body. She slowly took his length in her mouth, gliding her lips over the throbbing member and carefully grazing her teeth the sensitive skin as she moved up and down.

Koris watched her intently, his gaze never leaving the top of her head as she worked his manhood, his breathing becoming heavier as she increased her speed and glanced up at him with a burning desire in her eyes. He needed her now, wanted underneath his body, screaming his name as he pushed her into her climax.

"Calli, stop," breathed Koris, catching what little breath he had left as she lifted her head from his member, "I need you now."

Shepard nodded, a wicked smile on her face as she released him from her grip, climbing slowly back up his body her eyes trained on his as he pulled her form against his. He brought her lips to his in a bruising kiss, his arms wrapping around her lithe body as he turned them over, their bodies pressed against each other in a passionate embrace.

He lined his length up with her entrance, slowly sliding into her warmth. He groaned at her tightness, stilling to let her get accustomed to his size. He moved slowly, purposely, until Shepard growled at him.

"Dominate me, Asshole."

Koris pulled out of her, flipping her over on to her stomach. He pulled her hips up, slamming his length into her, making her cry out. Grabbing a handful of hair, pulling her head back, he continued to pound into her. He swatted her ass with his hand, making her cry out in pleasure.

Shepard felt each swat of her ass, bringing her closer to her orgasm. Her hands starting going numb from her weight press on them, she couldnt move if she wanted too, all she could think about was the man, pounding into her, building a devastating orgasm inside of her. She cried out as her orgasm hit her, feeling like she was going to explode, "Oh fuck," she screamed, he followed not long after, both collapsing onto the bed.

Shepard manage to speak, just barely, "Who knew, you could do that?," her voice muffled against the bedsheets.

Koris laughed slightly, "A few."

Shepard heard the door open and the voices of two very familiar people, two people who did not need to walk in on this particular moment at all. She jumped off the bed and started pulling her clothes on, tossing Koris his own, trying to ignore the hurt look on his gorgeous features as she struggled with her sweatshirt.

"What's wrong, Calli?" asked Koris quietly as he started putting his shirt back on.

"Just get dressed quickly, I'll explain everything later," said Shepard in a harsh whisper. Koris obeyed her order, trying his best to get the clothing just right so it did not look as if he had been without clothes for some part of the night.

When she was finished, Shepard ran down the stairs and met Han in the living room who was supporting a very drunk Tali.

"Hi, Shepard," hiccuped Tali, who was swaying on her feet.

"Tali, honey, how much have you had to drink?" asked Shepard as she helped her stand upright once again.

"Don't worry about me, Shepard," slurred Tali, "I'm not drunk, just very, very happy."

Han barely missed her swinging arm, ducking just in time, "Please watch where you're limbs are at all times, Tali."

"Sorry, Admiral Blowmeup," giggled Tali, Han rolling his eyes in response.

Koris came bounding down the stairs, his footsteps catching Tali's attention, "Hey, Admiral Sexysuit, why were you in Shepard's room? You should've been waiting in my room."

Shepard quickly intervened, "Han, why don't we get her to the bedroom? Let her sleep this off."

"An excellent suggestion, Shepard," agreed Han, "Come on, Tali, there's a good girl."

Tali merely nodded as the admiral helped her up the stairs, when they were out of view, Shepard turned back around to face Koris who stood with his arms crossed, obviously waiting for an explanation.

"Well, isn't there something you need to tell me?" asked Koris sternly.

Shepard was silent for a few moments before she spoke, choosing her words carefully, "Well, Tali asked me to try and help her seduce you."

Koris stared at her wide eyed, "She what?!"

"Yeah," said Shepard, "but then she went and got herself blind drunk and then we, um, well I, seduced you instead."

"I see," said Koris quietly, dropping his arms to his sides.

Shepard knew this could not happen again, not if she wanted to stay true to Tali's friendship, "Zaal, we can't see each other again, Tali's my sister and this would be incredibly painful for her."

"I'll just let her down gently then," said Koris, brushing his fingers across her soft cheek, "I have feelings for another woman, it wouldn't be fair to her to lead her on."

Shepard looked away, "I hope things won't be awkward now, especially since we're going to be spending time on the Normandy together."

Koris could think of nothing else to say except, "It was just sex, right?"

"Right," said Shepard, trying to sound happier.

"I'll just go back to the docks with Gerrel and we'll just forget this ever happened," said Koris forcefully and Shepard nodded.

Han returned from the bed room, looking exhausted, "Ready to go, Koris?"

"Yes, Han, let's get back to the ship," sighed Koris and they started walking towards the door, Koris fighting the urge to look back at Shepard.

She watched as they left the apartment, "Good night, Admirals, see you in the morning."

"Good night, Shepard, thank you for a remarkable evening," called Han as the doors closed.


	3. The New Crew

_**Authors Notes: Sex coming up.**_

_**Thanks to Moony for her continued support.**_

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**The New Crew**

Shepard stood behind the curtain fiddling with her dress uniform. She hated being so pressed and clean, with super shiny shoes, not mention her loathing of ceremonies. She was sure Hackett was doing this just to torture her. She had tortured herself enough over what she said Admiral Koris, he looked hurt and Shepard felt like a bitch. She wanted him, but she could never hurt Tali, she loved Tali far too much.

Hackett approached her, Shepard swore he was getting some kind of kick out of watching her squirm, "Don't fidget, Shepard."

Shepard glared at him, arms crossed in defiance, "I hate ceremonies, you're doing this to torture me."

"I am not. I'm doing this because its about time it happened," Hackett said while, squeezing her shoulder.

Shepard groaned, "Fine, lets get on with this."

Hackett and Shepard stepped out of the curtain, Hackett immediately going to the podium, "Welcome Ladies and Gentleman, today we recognize the hard work and achievements of one of the Alliance best Commanding Officers," Hackett turned to Shepard, who had a death glare firmly fixed on him, "Commander Shepard, We give you the title Rear Admiral for your repeated dedication to the Alliance."

Shepard shook Hackett's hand, still glaring at him, walking up to the podium. Shepard had no idea what kind of speech to make, she was gonna wing it. Just as Shepard was about to speak, she heard a voice, that sounded suspiciously like Joker, tell her to get off the stage, Shepard laughed, "Screw this, lets go get drunk," The Normandy crew cheered and Shepard jumped off the stage to join them.

Joker wrapped his arm around his friend's waist, "So Admiral, can I still rock your world?"

Shepard slapped him on the arm, "You only want for my rank."

Joker laughed, as he rubbed his arm, "What else would I want?"

James joined them standing at her other side, wrapping an arm around her waist, "Does this mean we have to salute you now, Lola?"

"Anyone who does gets air locked," Shepard said with a grin on her face.

"Lets go get disgustingly drunk," Joker chuckled as Shepard rested her forehead on his shoulder.

"I like your thinking, Flight Lieutenant."

* * *

Koris sat in the meeting room, waiting for everyone to arrive, he was sure everyone purposely turned up late just to annoy him. He thought about Shepard, he had her briefly, but out of loyalty to Tali, she couldn't give him more, but it made Koris want her all the more. He sighed, rubbing at his temples.

Gerrel walked in, exasperated about something. He stopped, looking at a forlorn Koris, "What happened?" He asked, sitting next to Koris.

Koris failed to answer before the others walked in. Koris sat there, mainly silent for the whole hour, until someone asked as Gerrel did.

"Koris, you look more miserable than usual, What's wrong?" Adin'Hezt asked.

Gerrel sat back in his chair folding his arms, "Its the Human isn't it?"

Koris twitched at reference to her, but still remained silent.

"Keelah, you slept with her." Gerrel lent away from Koris in half shock, half laughing.

Koris looked up finally, arms crossed, "What business is it of yours?"

"Excuse me, What Human?" Iva'Var asked, leaning forward on the table to listen in.

Gerrel smirked, throwing Iva a look, "Shepard" he replied quickly.

Everyone else in the room wore stunned expressions, Iva was intrigued, practically rubbing his hands with glee, "Tell us, what was she like?"

"No" Koris curtly replied.

Gerrel nudged him, "Come on, what was it like?"

Koris sighed, fixing Gerrel with a glare, "It was...exhilarating," Koris resumed his defiant silence.

After the meeting, the others left the meeting room, Gerrel stayed seated next to Koris, "Koris, what is the matter?"

Koris sighed angrily, "Tali asked Shepard to lure me to her apartment, so Tali could seduce me. Because of that, Shepard wants nothing more to do with me outside of a professional role."

"Ah, that's harsh. Try to get me on the Normandy, I'll try to sway Tali away from you."

Koris turned to look at Gerrel, "Are you serious?"

"Yes. Do you want Shepard?"

"Keelah, yes I do."

"So let me help."

Koris tutted, "Alright, fine."

"We have a week to get me on that ship," Gerrel said as he stood up.

"I'll speak to Councilor Anderson, shortly," Koris nodded at Gerrel as he walked out of the room. If Gerrel could draw Tali away, Koris might have a better chance with Shepard.

* * *

A week later, Koris, Gerrel and several new Quarian crew members waited in Bay D24 for Shepard and the other crew to show. They were already an hour late and Koris was losing patience by the second. It didn't help that Kar'Danna, Adin'Hezt, Iva'Var and Han'Gerrel were talking about the time they had on the ship, Koris was just reminded of being in close quarters with Shepard and he couldn't doing anything, because Tali would be around.

Shepard turned the corner with her crew, she looked awful, the hood of her hoodie was pulled up, she had darkened glasses on, walking as slowly as the other crew. Gerrel smirked as they got closer, "Morning, Admiral," He said, holding back his amusement.

Shepard groaned, waving Gerrel off, "Please, not so loudly or cheerfully, Don't wanna have to punch you again."

Koris let out of a snort of laughter, "Please do, Admiral.

"I will when I can remember how to," Shepard groaned again, "I hate you Tali."

"Hey, I didn't force you to drink, 3 bottles of Quarian Blue Whiskey," Tali said with tired objection.

"You brought that evil stuff, so I hate you."

Once on the ship, Shepard showed the new crew around, she lead them to the crew quarters, "This is the crew quarters, grab a bunk and there's lockers for your stuff. If you need privacy for any reason, there's life support or sub deck in engineering."

"Do you come with the privacy, Admiral," Adin flashed her a suggestive grin.

Shepard chuckled, "I do, but there's a long line of men waiting for their _privacy _with me."

"I'm first, right Lola?" The group turned to Vega who was laying on one of the top bunks.

"Of course you are, my handsome LT," Shepard stuck her tongue out at Vega, who winked in return.

"Lola, are the beds new? They feel really comfy, I might sleep in here now, instead of the cargo bay."

Shepard climbed up next to Vega, "Yeah, had to change them since Donnelly and Joker kept bitching."

Joker's disembodied voice filled the room, "I did not bitch. I merely said, they had lost their springiness. Its alright for you Shepard, you have nice big comfy double bed to spread out on, we have to make do. I have to make do with sleeping next to Donnelly's snoring all night."

"Ha, so that's what you're really after, you just want my bed."

Joker chuckled, "Yeah, totally Don't have a secret plan to bump you off and steal your ship."

"You wouldn't dare," Shepard looked towards the ship cam with a mock glare.

"Oh, wouldn't I."

"Remember Flight Lieutenant, I know where you stash the porn and if I were to tell EDI to delete it all, she would."

"You're so mean, Admiral, you've turn into Admiral Hackett over night."

"Admit it, you'd be in my bed in a shot."

"I would get into your bed, but I'm worried about starting a mutiny."

"Yeah, if he gets in, I want in," Vega said in a mock demanding tone.

"How about, you both can have the bed, since its not important if I'm in it or not." Shepard said innocently.

Joker scoffed, "When did we say that? You can sleep in the middle."

Shepard jumped off the bed, "Not with you two. Right, Admirals, you can have the starboard observation deck." Shepard led the Admirals to the observation deck.

"Shepard, I'm interested in seeing the AI core, I heard its impressive technology." Koris said, internally hopeful of getting her alone.

"Ok sure, follow me," Shepard smiled at Gerrel before she left the room.

Once in the AI core, they stood in an awkward silence, Shepard sighed, "Zaal, I'm sorry about last week, its not that I Don't want too, its Tali, I cant hurt her."

Koris held her hips as he pushed her gently against the console, "I understand, but I cant deny how I feel about you."

Shepard whimpered slightly, feeling his hot breath in her ear, "We have to be discreet."

Koris kissed her neck, one hand unzipping her hoodie, slipping inside to touch her bare skin, "We will be," He whispered, making her shiver in his arms.

Shepard ran her hands across his chest, probing for the zips that keep him away from her touch, "EDI, lock the AI core."

"Yes, Shepard."

Koris pulled her closer for a bruising kiss, cupping her ass, lifting her up into the console. Koris pulled the hoodie off her shoulders, kissing her collarbone, his hand disappearing under the fabric of her vest top, pulling at the fabric of her bra.

Joker interrupted the pair reluctantly "Errr, Admirals, not that I enjoy interrupting the love, but your ass is kinda squishing EDI."

Koris pulled Shepard off the console, Shepard sighed in annoyance, "Come up to deck 1 later," Shepard kissed him passionately, not really wanting to let him go.

Shepard and Koris walked out of the AI core to find Kaidan standing on the other side of the door, "Kaidan, can I help you?" Shepard asked, she could see what is roaming around inside his head.

"No, I'm fine," Kaidan's eyes narrowed suspiciously at the disheveled pair.

Koris left the med bay, giving Shepard one last glance, Shepard looked at Kaidan, he was desperate to say something, "Out with it Kaidan."

"Are you sleeping with the Admiral?"

"What I do, is no business of yours, you keep what you think to yourself," Shepard warned him, Shepard walked out of the med bay angry at Kaidan and his misplaced jealously.

Shepard sat in her office, thinking about what she was doing with Koris, she hoped one day Tali would understand, she didn't mean to fall for Koris, it happened without even advertising it.

EDI interrupted Shepard's thinking, "Shepard, Admiral Koris is requesting entry."

"Let him in EDI and make sure he can get in any time and can you leave me be unless its an emergency."

"Yes, Shepard, logging you out."

Koris entered the room, looking around, he noticed the fish tank, "A fish tank?"

Shepard smiled, walking over to him, "Yeah, Cerberus thought it would be nice, I'd have rather a hot tub."

Koris pulled her into his arms, "You already have one in your apartment."

"Yes and I cant wait to get you in it."

Koris kissed her deeply, pulling her body tight to his, "For now, we have the bed."

Shepard smiled pulling him to the bed, she sat down on it, pulling Koris to her. She laid back as he hovered over her, they kissed purposefully, passion burning between them. Shepard's hands roamed over his taut body, finding the zips over his upper suit, she lowered it and push it off his shoulders, he removed his arms and threw it over to the sofa.

Koris pushed her simple black night dress over her hips, kissing her thighs, making her whimper. He pushed the night dress up further and over her head, kiss her warm skin as he went. He kissed her breasts, rubbing her nipples with his fingers, he took a nipple in his mouth, sucking and nipping it, the vibration of her groans going straight to his groin. He kissed her toned abdomen, it twitched in anticipation as he went lower still, settling in between her legs. He used his fingers to probe the pink folds, learning what she liked and needed, he find the tiny pink nub, probing it, watching her gasp. He drank in the slight of Shepard writhing around in pleasure, taking the pink nub against his tongue, he suckled on it, listening for her desperate cries, pleading with him not to stop, pushing a finger inside of her before entering a second, he pumped his fingers into her, enjoy the sensation of her walls clenching around his fingers.

Shepard felt her orgasm building as his alien tongue licked against her apex, she cried out, her hands gripped into his hair. Her body went limp, her orgasm slowly waning, "I want you in me." She demanded.

Koris removed his pants and boots. He climbed over again, lifting her legs, he slowly entered into her, both groaning with need and pleasure. He pinned her arms down, as he moved in rhythm with her hips matching his thrusts. He heard her plead with him for more, he pounded into her, his weight pressed down on her.

Shepard felt her orgasm build up again, more intense than the first, her walls clenched around his length as she screamed his name in ecstasy. Koris joined her orgasm seconds later, filling her up, his body shaking. He lent his forehead against hers, they breathed in the same air, making their way back to reality.

He rolled off her, the smell of sex still lingering in the air, Shepard turned over, her resting on his shoulder, his arm wrapped lazily across his chest, "Stay?"

"Of course," Koris relished the chance to wake up to her in the morning, he wasn't gonna waste it. He kissed her forehead and let sleep claim, for once he wouldn't wake up lonely.

Shepard smiled, drifting off into a contented sleep, thoughts of Tali at the back of her mind, at least for the night.


	4. Bad History

_**Authors Notes: Sorry for the delay in updating, I really couldnt find the inspiration for this story, but heres my update.**_

* * *

**Bad History**

Koris opened his eyes, confused by the space around him, then he remembered that he spent the night with Shepard. He looked down to see sleepy blue eyes looking at him, "Morning Beautiful," He said, lazily stroked her hair.

"Morning Handsome," She replied as she kissed his chest, "We have to get up soon."

"I know, do I at least get to shower with you as recompense?"

Shepard chuckled, "Alright, come on then, Admiral."

Koris watched as Shepard slipped off the bed, walking up the steps, she was a glorious sight naked, perfectly Human, he had never found a Quarian woman who could invoke so many sensations in him, at first he tried to deny his attraction to her, but when she entered his life again, he found it increasingly harder when she disappeared from it.

Shepard turn around to face him, "Are you gonna join me or keep staring?"

Koris chuckled, "I'd rather do both."

"Well then, you can stare at a wet me."

"That is a wonderful idea, Admiral," Koris got out of bed, joining Shepard in the shower. He washed her all over, enjoying the feel of her soft skin under the velvet like touch of his own. A sobering thought entered into his mind, he realised he should seek out the answer before things went further, "Shepard, you know we can't have children, do you not want any?"

Shepard stilled in his arms, she held back the emotions she had yet to deal with regarding her inability to reproduce, "I can't have children, I don't have the necessary equipment anymore. Cerberus decided my reproduction organs weren't worth the credits. Do you not want any?"

"Maybe, do you want them?"

"I would like them, give some orphans a chance at life."

Koris held her tighter to him, "Maybe, we can consider it."

Shepard laughed, "Imagine being a child of 2 Admirals."

"That would be a big expectation."

Shepard sighed, "But not one we would have."

"No, our children are free to choose their own paths."

Shepard turned around in his arms to kiss him, "One day Zaal, we can retire and hide in our own little world."

Koris rubbed his nose against hers, "Earth or Rannoch?"

"We can do both, 6 months in Rannoch and 6 months on Earth."

"That is a future I'm looking forward to," Koris kissed Shepard tenderly, making her quiver in his arms.

EDI voice interrupted the pair, "Shepard, ETA Mindoir is in 1 hour."

Shepard stilled, "Thanks EDI."

Koris rubbed her back gently, "Are you ready for this?"

Shepard sighed deeply, "I have to be, I'm glad you'll be there."

"I always will be."

* * *

Shepard busied herself with helping the colonies, the small Quarian contingent had all but kidnapped Gerrel and Koris, so she satisfied herself with memories until he returned, although she knew he was probably itching to get back to her. Shepard, James and Kaidan headed down to a cave she used to play in as a child.

"My painting is still here after 20 years," Shepard ran her fingers along the lines of paint.

"Is that the SSV London?" James asked.

"Yeah, first ship I ever saw, I though it was the best thing I'd ever seen."

James looked around, he noticed Kaidan was missing, "Major Alenko?"

Shepard turned around, "What is it?"

"Major has disappeared."

Shepard and James went further into the caves. James noticed the slumped form of Kaidan against some rocks, "Major!" He said quickly running to his superior officer.

A female voice spoke from the shadows behind James, the bitterness clear in her voice, "Calli, it has been a long time."

Shepard stepped towards the voice, "You know me?"

The woman laughed, "I do, afterall..." The woman stepped from the shadows, Shepard nearly fell to her knees at the sight, "We are sisters."

"Alexandra," Shepard breathed out as she fell to her knees.

"The great Shepard on her knees like a common whore. Hero of the galaxy, I've been waiting for your return. I've waited a long time to kill you."

"W-why?" Shepard stuttered.

"Because you had the life I deserved. You've lived it up, everyone loves you, Shepard this, Shepard that, while I have been on the this cesspit of a planet. Why did you get off this hell hole instead of me?" Alexandra reached down a grabbed James by the throat, the tip of a small hunting knife poking into his skin, "Shall I kill the lovely crew member? Have you fucked him? Bet you you've fucked them both, you dirty-" Alexandra's face changed from bitterness to shock as the blood poured down her nose, she fell to the ground with a dead thud.

James looked at Shepard, she shook as she still held the gun, she slowly holstered the gun, walking out of the cave, gripping on to anything she could see to keep her steady.

Once back on the ship, Shepard headed to her quarters without another word, Koris watched her leave, turning to James to question him, "What happened?"

"We went in a cave she should to visit as a child, we had to go further to find Kaidan, then her crazy loco sister came out, yelling all sorts at Shepard, she then threatened to kill me, Shepard shot her in the head."

Koris nodded to James before he left for Shepard's quarters, when he got there, he found an inconsolable Shepard slumped on the floor in the shower. He turned the shower off, grabbing a towel, he lifted her up, wrapping the towel around her, leading her to the sofa. He pulled her on to his lap, letting her cry for hours before she eventually fell asleep. He lifted her up settling her into bed, undressing and climbing in beside her. Koris held her all night, desperate to keep the nightmares away, he knew she would have them, he just wanted her to know he was there as he said he would be.

Shepard woke in the early hours, the thoughts of her sister plaguing her mind, at first she felt alone and cold, then she realised she was in her own bed, loving arms surrounding her, she turned in his arms, studying him while he slept. He looked younger when he slept, Quarians didnt age as Humans did, so he looked positively youthful, beautiful and innocent. Shepard never thought she would fall in love again after Thane, but Koris was there, the pang of guilt occasionally hit Shepard hard, she loved Tali like a sister, but she was falling in love with Koris and that she could no longer deny.

Koris woke up to turquoise eyes watching him contentedly, he stroked her hair, rubbing nose against her, "How are you feeling?"

"Fine, just having you here, it means a lot to me."

"Calli, can I tell you something?" Koris asked nervously.

"You can tell me anything."

"I love you, Calli, I have done for a long time."

Shepard laughed, kissing him gently, "I love you. I never expected to fall in love again." Shepard kissed him again, long and lingering, pulling away breathless, "Make love to me."

Koris pushed her gently so she was laying on her back, he covered her body with his. He ran his hands up and down her body, pushing her arms above her head, he kissed every inch of skin he could get to, she was intoxicating, beautiful and exhilarating, he felt as if his chance to settle down and have a family had come back to him and had the most beautiful woman in the galaxy to have all that with.

He entered into her gently, taking his time to work out what she liked most, together they found a slow rhythm, looking into each others eyes, hands connected above her head, Shepard felt like she was being cleansed of all the mistakes of the past, ready to lay down a new future, a future with a man she was found deeply irritating, but she knew real honest love didn't come that simply.

After an hour of passionate sex, Shepard and Koris reluctantly got up. Shepard renewed and ready to take on anything, Koris just felt happy, only sadness they shared was not being open with their feelings for each other, for now they would have to keep it a secret.

* * *

The crew of the Normandy gathered in the mess hall for a celebration of James birthday, Shepard lovingly made a cake for him and one the dextros could eat, bottles of booze laid out on the mess tables, James favourite food being cooked for him and he was loving the attention.

Shepard listened to Liara, Gabby, Karin and Tali talk about what Quarian men are like in bed, Shepard sniggered having already experience 2 Quarian men and the stamina they possessed, Shepard swigged another gulp of beer, "Quarian men have lots of stamina," Shepard immediately regret uttering the words.

Tali turned to Shepard, "How do you know?" She asked suspiciously.

Shepard had no choice to reveal her dark secret, "Errrr, at 19 I slept with a Quarian."

"Who?" Tali asked, desperate to know.

"I don't know his name, I was very drunk."

James laughed, "Details Lola," All the crew in the mess hall, even the Quarians sat waiting.

Shepard's shoulders sagged, "Alright fine, it was shore leave, groups of us in a really dingy bar, I went to the toilet, found my superior officer and a Vorcha, doing some rather vile things."

The crew sat holding their sides, James managed to stop laughing enough to speak, "Go on, Lola."

"I went back to the bar to get really drunk, Quarian sits next to me, we start talking," Shepard stopped, breathing in deeply, "He said and I quote, I've always wanted to have sex with a Human, I said, So let's do it."

The crew were shaking with laughter and James signaled her to carry on, "So we broke into Huerta to use a clean room, we-"

Joker interrupted, "Wait, you broke into a Hospital and had sex in one of the clean room, you know where people have surgery and stuff?"

"Yes, we had sex in a clean room."

Tali gasped in shock and laughter, "You're the Red Viper."

The Quarian crew turned to look at them as Shepard replied, "I'm the what?"

Adin cut in, "Vaz'Shaya, was that his name?"

Shepard thought about it and realised that was him, "That's the name. What is Red Viper?"

Iva stopping laughing long enough to tell her, "Vaz is the Captain of the Qwib Qwib and he has often brags about his exploits with a red-haired Human, he nicknamed her Red Viper. That apparently is you."

"Yes and pretty much all Quarian men have knowledge on your...sexual prowess."

Shepard cringed, burying her head in her hands, "Gods, I'm a sexual tale to half a species. What has he said about me?"

Tali whispered in her ear, "I did not, have not and will not ever do _that_," Shepard protested, "You wait til I see that asshole, I'll skin him alive. If any of you call me Red Viper, I swear I will delete the entire cache of porn, I'm going to bed," Shepard left the sniggers behind, embarrassed and worried about what Koris might think.

Koris came up to her quarters later, Shepard rushed to him, "Zaal, I'm sorry, I-"

Koris interrupted Shepard, "It's ok, although you will have to make him squirm for bragging about."

"Oh baby, I will," Shepard kissed Koris and they landed on the bed with a thump, "So, you want to play with Red Viper?"

"No one plays with Red Viper, she plays with you."

Shepard straddled Koris, a wicked grin on her face, "Oh, I don't just play, I invent the game."


	5. A step too far

_**Authors Notes: Chapter shorter than normal.**_

_**Chapter starts out naughtily.**_

* * *

**A step too far**

"You're a bad man, Zaal," Shepard gasped as Koris pushed her against the side of the display case.

Koris untied the silk cord around her waist, opening her robe to touch the skin underneath, "Tell me to stop, Calli," He whispered in her ear, his voice low and husky.

Shepard closed her eyes, groaning, "You know I can't, Zaal."

"So let me admire that exquisite Human body of yours and I'll make you come so hard, you'll be preying to your ancestors and mine," He growled in her ear.

Shepard whimpered, the deep aching in her groin was all she could think about, "You keep talking like that, I'll come without you even touching me," Shepard managed to breathe out, her core heating up rapidly.

"Mmmm, I sense a challenge," Koris said with a smirk on his face. He held her hands above her head, pushing his body hard against hers, "Do you know what I wanted to do to you when you first arrived on the Neema?"

Shepard shook her head.

"I wanted you on your knees, naked with chains around your neck and hands. Then I wanted to take that sash I used to wear across my chest and whip you until you screamed my name."

Shepard felt so aroused that she wanted to explode, she stayed quiet letting Koris continue.

"The second time I saw you in that little black dress, I wanted to rip it off of your body and fuck you into oblivion, you would have liked that," Koris dropped his voice lower, "Then you saved me, disobeying me, I wanted to punished you so badly, that I had to relieve myself twice before I got on your ship."

Shepard took to rubbing herself against him to relieve the aching sensation in her groin.

"Then when you entered restaurant that night in that tight red dress, your breasts pushed up, legs out display, those beautiful eyes boring straight into me, you did it to tease me. When I got to your apartment, I found you in those shorts, your perfect backside displayed before me, I knew I would have you before I left your apartment. That night, you gave me everything, then took it all away again, I should punish you for that," He said as he nipped on her earlobe. One hand went down to his zip, freeing his aching erection.

Shepard saw stars as he entered her in one swift movement, she was close to the brink of the most intense and amazing orgasm of her life.

Koris thrust into her mercilessly, he was in need of her, to hear her cry out his name as she came. After a few more brutal thrusts, he joined her orgasm nearly shouting out her name. He held the, quivering shattered mess that was his Human lover, in his arms.

Shepard slowly came back to reality, hearing the doors to her cabin open, both Koris and Shepard scrambled to make themselves decent as Kaidan stepped into the small space.

"Kaidan!" Shepard yelled, "Don't you know how to knock, wait outside now."

Koris walked out of the cabin, glaring at Kaidan as he got into the lift. Shepard stood at her cabin door, "What do you want?"

"So you are sleeping with him," Kaidan's face went red with jealousy.

"What is it to you Kaidan? We haven't been together in years, we are past history."

"Shepard, I've tried to prove myself to you, I even waited a while after the Drell died before I made a move."

Shepard got angry, "His name was Thane, he was important to me."

Kaidan walked closer to Shepard, "We could be happy again. You cant get pregnant with this guy."

"I cant get pregnant at all, Cerberus didnt think my womb was a worthy investment. We are over Kaidan, please accept that. I love Zaal, he is who I want. Now go," Shepard walked away, letting the doors close behind her.

* * *

Shepard, Koris and Gerrel met with the other Ambassadors on Horizon, something about that planet made Shepard feel uneasy. The memories of the collectors were yet to go away, people frozen and put into the pods, remembering the way people were dissolve into nothing while still alive. Where Kaidan called her a traitor, any hope she had of retaining something from her missing 2 years had gone with a few harsh words, she looked over to Koris, who slyly smiled at her, all thoughts of Kaidan and his treatment of her pushed out her mind instantly.

Shepard helped the colonists strip the old Cerberus facility of resources, making sure no husks were left behind. Shepard went into a room that looked like the office of Henry Lawson. She approached the desk setting down on the chair, using her omni-tool the computer came to life. Shepard tapped into the secret Cerberus network with the master codes that Miranda gave her, she was surprised they still worked.

Shepard scanned through all the messages, stopping at her name. She opened the link up finding a plethora of messages from several previously unknown lieutenants of the Illusive Man, each one made reference to "Bagging and Tagging" Shepard for "fixing", Shepard knew exactly what it meant, she wasn't what Cerberus wanted her to be, she was a problem that needed to be fixed. Shepard was alerted to another message coming through the network.

_Shepard on Horizon, capture at all costs. Capture her dead but do not harm her body. Order to destroy SSV Normandy on sight, leave no witnesses._

Shepard downloaded the link to the Cerberus network and rushed out of the office, she immediately radioed the ground team, "Everybody evacuate now, Cerberus are on their way and they have no intention of being friendly."

"Shepard, are you sure? How do you know?" Kaidan asked.

"Miranda gave master codes to link to the Cerberus network, they know we are here, they have orders to destroy the Normandy and capture me."

"Why, Illusive man is dead?"

"Kaidan, I'm a problem that Cerberus wants to fix and they want to destroy the Normandy to get me, that is not gonna happen."

"Got it," Kaidan replied as he gathered the ground teams to get to the shuttles.

Shepard got closer to the shuttle, Koris was waiting for her, "Are you ok?" He asked as the walked to the shuttle.

"I'll be better if Cerberus left me alone. It gets boring killing those guys after a while."

"You'd think they would learn after a while," Koris said as the boarded the shuttle.

"Joker, be ready to go as soon as the shuttle docks."

"Aye Aye, Ma'am"

* * *

Shepard sat in the port side lounge, going over a few reports, the door behind her opened, she turned to see Kaidan walking in and locking the door, Shepard knew it was going to be an argument.

"Kaidan, please spare me the lecture," Shepard pleaded, not in the mood for another fight.

"Shepard, I made a mistake, I still love you, please forgive me," He begged.

"Kaidan, I do forgive, but I just don't love you the same any more, you didnt have my back when I really needed you, I'm not willing to put myself on the line again."

"You still love me?" Kaidan asked hopefully.

"Kaidan, part of me always will, but its not enough."

"Why not, we could be happy Shepard, we were good together, why give yourself to this Admiral who openly admits he hated you at first. It wont last, Shepard."

"I am not dealing with your jealously again," Shepard got up and headed to the door, "EDI, open the door!" She said angrily, the door slid open and Shepard stormed out with Kaidan following.

"Shepard, listen to me," Kaidan tried to grab Shepard's arm as she got to the mess, but she slipped out of his reach.

"I don't want to listen, Kaidan," Shepard was suddenly aware of the crew witnessing the fight.

Kaidan grabbed Shepard, spinning her around, "You will listen to me! Stop trying to punish me, you're ridiculous, first it was the Drell, now you're screwing Admiral Koris-"

Shepard cut his rant short by slapping him around the face, she turned to Tali who ran out of the mess, "Tali wait! Let me explain!" Shepard threw Kaidan a furious glare before she stormed out of the mess, heading to her cabin. She cried hard, what had she done, Tali looked devastated and it was all Shepard's fault.

Shepard had done some questionable things in the past, but this was the worst of all, maybe Kaidan was right after all, Shepard was a traitor, just on a much more personal level.


	6. Cracking under pressure

_**Authors Notes: Chapter isnt as long as I wanted it to be, but sleep deprivation and illness has sapped me dry.**_

* * *

**Cracking under pressure**

Shepard walked into her Silversun Apartment, dropping her bag at the front door, _paid fucking leave_, to say Shepard was pissed off was an understatement, she was blood boiling angry at having her ship and crew taken away, all she did was fall in love with Koris, but no, it had to be twisted to make it seem like Koris and Shepard had struck a shady deal with each other that excluded other races from vital resources.

Shepard was about to slumped down on the sofa when the door chimed, Shepard groaned stomping towards the door, it slid open to reveal Anderson, "What do you want?" Shepard growled.

"Easy Shepard, just came to talk," Anderson replied with his hands in the air.

"What about, maybe why my ship has been taken from me yet again, or how I saved the galaxy 3 times but yet I'm still treated like a god-damn criminal. Maybe we can discuss that bitch Admiral Xen and her campaign against me, or there's Al-Jilani and her burn Shepard crusade. Lets just have me executed publicly and make everyone happy," Shepard stormed away from Anderson, heading straight to the punch bag.

Anderson joined her, sighing at his difficult task of getting the truth out of Shepard, "Shepard, the other races are putting pressure on the Alliance, people are claiming that you and Koris colluded with other each to gain more resources. What happened Shepard?"

Shepard punched the bag hard, turning to Anderson, eyes full of rage, "You wanna know what happened? I FELL IN LOVE!" She screamed in Anderson's face making him recoil slightly, "I fell in love with someone I respected, but no I'm not allowed that, I'm Shepard, I don't have feelings, I just shoot people and walk away. I am fucking sick to death of having every move I make questioned, I saved this shit hole of a galaxy 3 times but still, watch out for Shepard, she's an evil bitch, she cares about no one but herself," Shepard paced around the room, catching her breath, "Tell those Alliance assholes I quit, take my spectre status, I don't give a fuck any more, now get the fuck out, you are not my superior any more, so go and don't fucking come back," Shepard stormed upstairs to her room locking the door.

Anderson stood shocked, sure he'd seen Shepard angry before, but this kind of angry he'd never thought Shepard capable of, he hung around for a while, he heard voices from her room and decided to patch into the conversation, he needed to know what she was hiding.

"_Hi Michael, I know its been a few months but I need your guidance right now."_

Anderson should've have expected Shepard to run to his Brother, he had been Shepard's surrogate Father since she lost her Parents on Mindoir.

"_Calli, you sound lost, what's wrong?"_

"_I'm starting to wonder why I bothered doing anything, I wish Cerberus had left me to rot on Alchera. I'm on leave for daring to fall in love with someone, I'm handing in my resignation, I don't wanna be the fall guy any more."_

"_Talk to me, Calli."_

"_The nightmares wont stop, the headaches are as bad as ever as well as the nose bleeds, luckily my crew ha vent seen them happen. My left hand, it keeps tingling and I cant flex it properly, I don't even wanna get started on shooting my own Sister dead."_

"_What are the nightmares about?"_

"_Mindoir, Akuze, Earth, Collector base. Until recently I used to wake up screaming, last night, I actually drew my gun."_

"_Calli, I know you have your duty, but you can't keep pretending you're fine, you aren't fine, have you even been to see the Counsellor?"_

"_I felt I couldn't go"_

"_Why not?"_

"_I felt the weight of everyone's expectations on me, I pushed myself to get better sooner because everyone expected it, I felt like I wasn't allowed to think about myself, I had to concentrate on rebuilding a galaxy. When Anderson and Hackett came to me with a new position, I knew what they expected of me, so I did what they wanted."_

Anderson felt sick, Shepard was not ok and he had been part of the reason she forced herself back to work sooner than she wanted, how did he not see her crumbling on the inside, how did her crew miss it.

"_Now what about the hand?"_

"_I can't grip properly with it, sometimes it goes numb."_

"_Have you not spoke to your physio?"_

"_No, I ha vent been in months."_

"_Shepard, you are allowed to do things for you sometimes."_

"_I had one thing, Michael, I was happy, but that was turned into something seedy, they destroy everything and I hate that I'm alive and so many more worthwhile people are dead."_

Anderson heard Shepard crying, she had finally cracked, he felt his guilt, how could he expect Shepard to just cope with everything, that she has done, been forced to do, things said about her, Alliance questioning her, the Council not believing her. He should have known she wasn't fine.

Hackett waited for Anderson to come back to his office, hopefully the meeting with Shepard went well. He watched his friend's face as he walked into the office, "Well."

Anderson sighed, "Well, Shepard screamed in my face, told me she quit both Alliance and Council and told me to get the fuck out and never come back."

"Well that isn't what we wanted, what else?" Hackett questioned.

"You know she hasn't seen her physio for months and never saw the counsellor because she felt we forced her back to work. She did it because that's what we expected."

"I knew it wasn't a good idea David, she was in a coma for 2 months and spent another 4 in hospital, she went back to work a month later, we should have put our foot down and stopped it."

"I know, we have to sort out this business with the Ambassadors. Shepard claimed she entered into a romantic relationship with Admiral Koris."

"We will, David, somehow."

* * *

Shepard sat at her terminal, she wasn't sure whether to call Koris or not, she didn't know where the doubt came from, maybe Koris thought their relationship wasn't worth it, she pressed the call button and waited for him to answer.

"Calli? Keelah, are you ok?"

Shepard burst into tears, "No I'm not, I've handed in my resignation."

"Calli, I'm so sorry. I'm trying to get to the Citadel but the Conclave keep questioning me, it's a nightmare, I think I might just leave."

"What if we just disappeared, I can sell both my apartments and we can find a place somewhere."

"Lets do it, I'll get to you as soon as I can, I love you, Calli,"

"I love you too, Zaal"

The call ended and Shepard went to packing her stuff, she planned to be gone as soon as Koris arrived. The door chimed, Shepard groaned as she walked to the door, it slid open revealing Anderson and Hackett, "Thought I told you not to come back," Shepard said with disdain.

"You've been summoned by Alliance HQ, come on transport is waiting," Hackett pulled Shepard out of the door towards the elevator, despite Shepard's protests.

"I already told Anderson I quit."

"Be hush girl," Hackett hissed.

Shepard felt like she had been told off by her dad, she decided to keep quiet during the trip back to Earth.

Anderson and Hackett led Shepard to the meeting chambers, it had been rebuilt since the reaper wars back to what it was before, it invoked bad memories in Shepard, she felt her hand start tingling and she knew she would get a nosebleed at some point in the proceedings.

An Alliance council member spoke up, "Shepard, we have heard disturbing reports over you and a deal with the Quarian Ambassador. Please explain yourself."

Shepard didn't either look up, "There was no deal, he's my lover," She said quietly.

Hackett nudged her to look up, but she refused, the cold trickle of blood falling down her lips.

"Admiral Shepard, look at us."

Everyone in the room heard what sounded like a single shot, everyone was confused, Hackett looked back at Shepard who looked at him with a look that would haunt Hackett forever, he caught her as she fell, her blood staining his hands and uniform.

Anderson turned around to see Hackett clutching a bleeding Shepard, "Get the medics," He shouted, pointing to a group of marines, he shouted for them to find the shooter, "Get them out of here," He said pointing to the press.

Hackett desperately held Shepard's wound, "Hold on Shepard, hold on," He looked at Anderson, guilt shared between them.


	7. Be not afraid

**_Authors Notes: This Chapter features Thane, some Tali/Gerrel love and a happy little accident. Obviously Shepard and Koris will be around too.  
_**

* * *

**Be not afraid**

Shepard opened her eyes, white lights surrounding her, no walls, no furniture, just white space. Shepard sat up on the bed she was laying on, looking around to gather her bearings, swinging her legs off the bed, she slid down til her feet touched the floor.

"Siha" A voice whispered.

Shepard turned around seeing the handsome face of Thane, "Thane," was all Shepard could choke out.

"You look beautiful, Siha," Thane took her hands in his.

"Am I dead?" Shepard asked, caressing her hands.

"No, you're in limbo, I'm here to send you back."

"What! Why?"

"You don't belong here," Thane stroked her hair.

"I belong with you?" Shepard closed her eyes leaning into his touch.

"Siha, you belong with the man who is at your side now, he pleads everyday for you to wake up."

"Zaal?"

"Yes. Ask yourself, Since being with him, have you missed me at all?"

Shepard hung her head guiltily, "I do sometimes," She finally admitted.

"We were in love, but it was never meant to last."

"Will me and Zaal last?" Shepard asked hopefully.

"Yes, Tali will forgive you, If you give her what she truly wants."

"What is that?"

Thane Sighed, "Tali is in love with one of the Admirals, but it was never Admiral Koris. She like you has been afraid to reveal the truth.

Shepard instantly realised who it was, "Admiral Gerrel."

"Yes, I have watched them dance around each other, I suspect they have done that for years."

"He feels the same way?"

"Indeed he does."

Shepard kissed Thane tenderly, "You will always have a space in my heart."

Thane wrapped his arms around her, pulling her tight to him, "And you in mine. Enjoy the good things, Siha, they will make up for the bad."

"Will they be worth it?"

"Yes, it will change your life," Thane lead Shepard back to the bed, helping her lay down. After a kiss on her forehead he was gone.

Shepard slowly opened her eyes, it was night-time, a gentle snore came from the left of her. she looked around to see Koris asleep on a sofa. Shepard watched him sleep, he was such a beautiful sight, he was there just as he promised to be, "Zaal?" She croaked out.

Zaal immediately woke up and was at her side, "Calli, you are a beautiful sight," Zaal kissed her forehead.

Shepard gave a throaty chuckle, "Charmer."

"Do you need anything?"

"Tali and maybe water."

"I'll message Tali now." Koris helped her drink.

Moments later Tali appeared at the Hospital, Koris left the room to give them privacy.

Shepard cried at Tali, "I'm so sorry, Tali," she forced out.

"It's ok, Shepard. It was never about Koris, it was your lack of faith in me and lying."

"Tali, tell him how you feel."

"Who?" Tali asked.

"Gerrel."

"Shepard!"

"Please, I promise he feels the same way, Please Tali."

"Ok, Ok, I'll do it," Tali hugged Shepard gently before leaving.

Tali reached Gerrel's hotel room, the knot her stomach had tightened as she pressed the button on the door. Part of her hoped he was asleep.

The door opened revealing a half-naked Gerrel, "Tali, what are you doing here?"

Tali shifted nervously, "I...um...I love you. I have done for years, Shepard said you felt the sa-," Gerrel silenced her with a bruising kiss, pulling her into the room, directing her to the bed.

Gerrel pulled away breathless, "I do feel the same, I have for a long time, I just thought it would inappropriate."

"Who cares." Tali pushed him on the bed, flat on his back.

Gerrel watched as Tali stripped until she was completely naked, Tali pounced on Gerrel, "Go easy on me, I've never done this before."

"You're a virgin?"

"Yes, never found the time or the man. Now I have time and the right man, so shut up and take me."

Gerrel turned them both over covering her body with his, he kissed her tenderly, determined to make the first time a good experience for her. He kissed her neck and shoulders, enjoying the moans she made, "Are you sure about this Tali?"

"Oh Keelah yes, I need you," Tali's glowing eyes pleaded with him.

Gerrel entered her slowly making her whimper, he looked at her concerned but she just nodded for him to continue. He moved slowly within her, letting her adjust to his girth. She begged for more, Gerrel pin her arms up over her head, adjusting his position to go deeper within her, he moved fast and hard, Tali groaning out _Keelah_ every few seconds. Tali arched her back, crying out his name before falling limp against the bed.

Gerrel thrust inside her a few more desperate times, groaning out her name as he spilled inside her. He rested his forehead against hers, Tali laughing softly, kissing him gently.

"Was it worth it?" Gerrel asked in between kissing her lips.

"Keelah, yes it was."

Han pulled out of her, moving to the side, taking Tali with him, they snuggled up together, drifting off to a blissful sleep. Tali was glad she listened to Shepard, without the push, Tali and Gerrel would have continued to dance around each other.

* * *

A month later Shepard had been released from Hospital, she probably could have left earlier, but Anderson and Hackett thought it best for her own protection she stay in the Alliance Hospital. Alliance Brass tried to have Koris banned from the Hospital, since he wasnt Alliance, but Shepard kicked up a massive fuss and they gave in, crossing a fully fit Shepard was one thing, crossing an injured, bored, tetchy Shepard was just plain dumb and the Alliance Brass learnt that the hard way.

Shepard rested in the bed of the Apartment on Earth that Hackett had acquired for her, Koris being the ever doting lover, doing anything she needed him to do, but never asked for much, she prefer to have him next to her, watching the old Earth movies that Koris had grown a taste for.

"I think you're starting to like Earth," She teased.

"I do, It makes me think this is what Rannoch can be."

"Oh, so nothing to do with the fact all my ancestors are from Earth, including my parents? I was born on Earth."

"It might have something to do with it, it is a beautiful planet though."

The door chimed and Koris got up, "I'll get it, hopefully that reporter isn't back."

"If it's her, punch her like I normally do."

Koris chuckled as he opened the door, "Han, Tali, what do we owe the pleasure."

"Come to see Shepard, she bored yet?" Tali chuckled.

"She's been bored since she woke up in hospital, Calli doesn't like convalescing."

Tali walked into the bedroom, "Hey Shepard."

"Hey baby," Shepard looked at Tali, she looked different, "You look different."

Tali looked down fiddling with her fingers, "Yeah," was all she said.

"What is it Tali?" Shepard patted the bed next to her.

"I'm pregnant Shepard."

Shepard held out her arms to Tali, who immediately went to her, "My baby sister is having a baby, are you ok?"

"I havent told Han yet, I don't know how to feel about it."

"Tell me what is worrying you, Tali."

"What if he doesn't want the baby, what if I'm a terrible Mother," Tali cried into Shepard's chest.

"Hey now, he'll want the baby and you'll be a great Mother. I'll be there for you, Chakwas will probably want weekly checks done on the baby. It'll be fine Tali, you know I'm never wrong."

Tali laughed, her tears drying up, "I suppose I should tell him."

"Yes you should, now go and tell him. Oh and if he freaks out at first, slap him, men are stupid creatures, no matter the species, eventually he'll be pleased his balls work."

Tali burst out laughing, "Thanks Shepard," Tali left and Koris walked back in.

"Is Tali ok?" Koris asked.

"Tali's pregnant."

"Really? That'll make Han happy. Have you thought about us having children?"

"Yeah, when I'm properly healed and we are more settled we can get the process started, we can be a multi species family."

"Languages might be an issue."

"For you maybe, I happen to be fluent in all my Alien crew's native tongues."

"Don't say Native tongue again unless you plan to be naked."

Shepard chuckled, playfully swatting his arm, "Such a filthy mind."

"So you speak fluent Khelish?"

"I do, Tali taught me, I have a gift for languages."

"So say something in Khelish."

Shepard said something that she would not say in public and made Koris' body heat up instantly, "You need to be naked, from now on, we speak Khelish in bed."

Shepard pulled off her t-shirt, throwing it to the other side of the room, "I'm naked now."

Koris moved on top of her gently, his hand moving in between her legs, groaning at her wetness, "Are you permanently wet?"

"Around you I am, so get inside me, sunshine."

Koris entered her quickly, neither had time or inclination to play around, it'd had a long time for them both and they just wanted to scratch the itch quickly. They both came quickly, Shepard laughed lightly, "Nothing beats a good quickie."

"Quickie?"

"Quick fuck, in and out, no foreplay, just the main event. Although, I normally reserve those for when we're out and can't control the urge but can't get home quickly enough."

"Let's do that some time."

"Formal events are the best time, all those superior officers who could catch us."

"When is the next one?" Koris asked, he prayed it was soon.

"In 2 months, although I'm suspended still, so you better get your convincing head on and make sure they know there was no deal. The Turian ambassador has been placated."

"How?"

"Primarch Victus, he gets pissed off when people say nasty things about his favourite Human."

"Councilor Tevos is on my side and I think Aria T'loak had a hand in that. Krogan Ambassador was fine with me, probably because I'm Wrex' sister. Ambassador Kirrahe is a personal friend of mine, so it's just the Volus, Drell, Hanar, Elcor, Batarian Ambassadors to worry about, I think Kolyat has contacted the Drell and Hanar Ambassadors to put in a good word for me, that boy can be pretty suave and persuasive."

"If he can get those 2 on your side, the others wont have a case against you," Koris kissed her forehead.

"Admiral Xen has a lot to answer for, Tali was angry with me but she never wanted all this to happen."

Koris tensed, "Dont worry, I've already dealt with Xen."

"I'm not even gonna ask."

Koris let Shepard get into her normal sleeping position next to him, before wrapping his arms around her. Together they nodded off.

* * *

Tali fiddled nervously, Gerrel noticing her strange behaviour as he waited for her to get into bed, "Tali, What's wrong?"

"I have something to tell you," She replied, pacing around the bed.

"What is it?"

Tali breathed in deeply, "I'm pregnant."

Gerrel sat quietly for a minute, "Are you sure?"

Tali nodded, "I'm sorry, I told Shepard first."

"What did she say?"

"That you will want the baby and I'll be great Mother."

Gerrel moved towards her, taking her hand pulling her towards him, "Well, you know that woman is never wrong."

Tali cried with relief, "I'm a blubbering wreck already."

"You're growing a person, you're allowed to be."

"I want Shepard and Koris to be her/his spiritual parents."

"Will Shepard understand the language?"

"Yeah, she speaks fluent Khelish."

"What can that woman _not_ do?"

Tali snickered, "Her dancing skills are rather dire. But her singing voice is beautiful," Tali yawned, rubbing her eyes.

"Lets get some sleep, you have a little Quarian to grow. To think, it was down to Shepard and that Salarian doctor, that our child can grow up without a bubble and we can freely hug her/him any time we want."

"Yeah, Shepard sent me something on Human childbirth, apparently after birth, skin to skin contact is encourage between baby and parents to help establish the bond. Do you wanna do that?"

"Yeah, I'd like to."

"Shepard said we have to smell the baby too, apparently they have a nice smell when they are newly born, she wasn't sure if Quarian newborns were the same," Tali drifted off peacefully.

Gerrel kissed her forehead, stroking her hair. He could hug Shepard for convincing Tali to admit her feelings, he wasnt sure if would've had the nerve to do it himself.


	8. Confronting Demons

_**Authors Notes: Just a short chapter to move the story along. Thanks to MoonSword for her help.**_

* * *

**Confronting Demons**

Shepard finished the email to Hackett, reading it back, she knew it everything Hackett needed to know and nothing he didn't, it was a risk, she knew she probably wouldn't get command of the Normandy back, but she had to give it up, she hesitated briefly before she hit send.

Shepard knew she wasn't well or fit for service, it was best for everyone. She had to get well if it was possible, lay some to demons to rest and confront a dark secret that she held onto for years.

Shepard was also aware of her frostiness to Koris of late. It wasn't intentional, she just felt emotionally drained after Therapy. Shepard had a realisation that she hadn't seen Koris in a couple of day, she taped her omni tool to call him up.

"Zaal, where are you?"

"Citadel docks," Shepard could here the distance in his voice.

"Why?" Shepard fought back the tears.

"I'm getting passage back to the fleet."

"Please don't," She pleaded.

"Why not? It's clear you don't want me around, you barely even talk to me."

"Please, just come home and we'll talk."

Koris eventually returned to the apartment. He found Shepard on their bed, hugging her knees.

"Calli, what's going on?" He asked as he sat next to her.

"I'm not well, Zaal."

Koris looked at her with concern, "What is it?"

"I have a tumour on my brain, they think it's been there for a while, probably since the war, it would explain some behaviour."

"Are they planning to treat it?"

"They are trying to find the best way to remove it. They also want to fix my hand."

"Calli, why didn't you tell me?" Koris put his arm around her, letting her head rest on his chest.

"Therapy left me feeling drained, I had to confront things, I tried to forget."

"Tell me."

"Ok, you're the only the second person I have told this. Back on this SR-1, you know I had a relationship with Kaidan."

Koris shifted uncomfortably at the jealousy nagging at him, "Yeah."

"About an hour before the SR-1 blew up and I died, "I found out something."

"Calli, tell me."

Shepard faltered as she tried to speak, "I...I was pregnant."

"Oh Calli, I'm so sorry," Koris held her tight as he felt her body shake.

"It took along time to get over the fact that I'll never get pregnant again, only a few people know I cant have children."

"You never told Kaidan?"

"No, after I died, I thought it best to just bury it. I think about the baby, I wander what he/she would look like."

"Probably good looking, red hair, brown eyes, chiselled features, suave, insane."

Shepard laughed gently, "Do you think I should tell Kaidan?"

"I do, it was his baby too."

Shepard leant up to look at Koris, "Thank you for coming back, I need you here with me."

"Get some sleep, you look exhausted, I'll be here," Koris kissed her gently on the forehead, listening to her breathing become soft and relaxed.

* * *

Shepard nervously waited for Kaidan to arrive at Apollo's, she knew the Normandy had docked and he said he would be there soon. Shepard looked around to see Kaidan walking towards her, he didn't look happy.

"What do you want, Shepard?" He asked as he leant on the railings, his handsome features lost under his scowl.

"Kaidan, we need to talk."

"About?"

"I have kept a secret from you, Zaal said you had a right to know."

Kaidan didn't reply, just waited for to speak.

"Firstly, I've given up command of the Normandy."

"What!" Kaidan almost shouted in surprise as he stood up straight.

"I'm not well Kaidan, I have a brain tumour, they might not be able to remove it. If they do, I'll need time to recover from the operation."

Kaidan swallowed hard, "Have you told the others?"

"No, I guess they wouldn't care much, none of them have been to see me."

"How can you say that, Shepard, they love you."

Shepard scoffed, "Only person who came to see me was Tali and she had a good reason not to bother. Anyway, that's not the reason why I wanted to speak to you."

"What is it then?" Kaidan leant back on the railings, looking at Shepard expectedly.

"Just before the SR-1 was destroyed, I found out..." Shepard paused briefly, swallowing before continuing, "I found out I was pregnant," Shepard pushed her tears away with a shaky hand.

Kaidan slid to the floor, burying his face in his hands to hide the tears in his hazel eyes. After what seemed like an eternity he found his voice. "It was mine, wasn't it?"

Shepard looked at her feet, unable to make eye contact. "Yes." was all she managed to say.

His entire body shook with sobs he refused to release, anger working its way into his voice. "Were you even going to tell me, Shepard? If the Normandy hadn't been destroyed or were you going to keep that a secret too?"

The sting of his words were not lost on Shepard but she did not want to acknowledge it, her pain was just as great as his. "Believe it or not, Kaidan, I would've told you. I had been trying to come up with a way to tell you, actually but then you know, the Normandy blew up!"

"I fucking know that, Calli!" shouted Kaidan, tears spilling down his face in a great wave. "Why are you telling me this? Why?! Do you just want to hurt me? Is that your sick game?"

Tears were now in Shepard's eyes, his angry words having their effect. When he saw them his resolved crumbled and he pulled her into his arms as he had once had long ago, together they wept and mourned for the child they had lost but never known.

They sat down on a bench overlooking the presidium lake, Kaidan took Shepard's hand, who in return held his hand tight, "Do you ever think about the baby?" Kaidan asked.

"Frequently, I think about what she would look like."

"Red hair probably, brown eyes, crazy," Kaidan chuckled.

Shepard chuckled with him, "It took a long time to get over the fact I would never get pregnant again."

"Cerberus didn't think that was worth it?"

"No they didn't. Me and Zaal have decided to adopt instead."

Kaidan rested his head on top of Shepard's, "Quarians or Humans?"

"Both probably."

Kaidan pressed a kiss into her hair, "Are we OK, Shepard?"

"Yeah, we are, look after my crew."

"I will, you fight this tumour, Reapers couldn't take you out, a little tumour is nothing to you."

Both Kaidan and Shepard stood up embracing each other, "I better go, I have a therapy session in 10. Thanks for coming Kaidan."

"Any time, get better OK." Shepard nodded as she walked away from Kaidan, finally feeling free of that secret that burdened her for years.

* * *

Shepard laid on the bed as the Doctors prepared to wheel her into surgery, Shepard hadn't let go of Koris' hand, it was obvious Shepard was terrified.

"I'll be here when you wake up," Koris kissed her tenderly.

"Make you are, Mister," Shepard chuckled through her fear, finally feeling brave enough to let go on Koris' hand.

Koris watched as the took Shepard into the operating room, he didn't know if Shepard would come out alive, he could only pray for her.

Shepard waited to drift out of consciousness, she was scared that she wouldn't wake up, but she had to face that far, come what may.


	9. A Shepard lost

_**Authors notes: Angst ahoy! Sorry to the Kaidan fans, but at least he died a hero.**_

* * *

**A Shepard lost**

Shepard stepped out of the shower, catching a glimpse of herself in the mirror as she used the sink to steady herself on her still wobbly legs, she lifted her hair up, revealing the patch of short, recently regrown hair and the barely there scar. It was that patch and scar that meant she was still alive and she was thankful to the doctors who saved her life.

The tumour in Shepard's head was bigger than they realised, luckily it was accessible and only proved to be a minor challenge to remove it, although doctors knew Shepard would have to have rehabilitation and she might suffer some behavioural changes.

It was true that Shepard's personality had changed after the surgery, she suddenly seemed more laid back with things, took convalescing in her stride, certainly better than after the reapers defeat and after she was shot. Shepard said that she had to accept that she needed time to recover, both physically and mentally, she was happy spending days resting and relaxing, when she really wanted to work, Hackett and Anderson always found things to send her, things they knew, only she could be trusted with, it kept Shepard focused and helped her still feel like she was a Spectre and an Alliance Admiral.

Some days she would spend talking to Kaidan or the others, who after a dressing down by Kaidan and Tali contacted her and apologised for making Shepard think, none of them cared about her. Her favourite days were when Koris was available and she had the whole day to spend wrapped in his arms, normally she would suggest a list of films to watch and fall asleep half way through the second, but Koris didn't mind, he was happy she was sleeping peacefully, the nightmares had become less and less, Shepard got more sleep and looked even more youthful. Occasionally Koris would hear his name being muttered followed a contented sigh, it never failed to make him chuckle.

Shepard walked out of the bathroom to see Koris standing there, he looked anguished, like he was close to crying, "Zaal, what is it?"

Koris sat her down on the bed kneeling in front of her, "I just spoke to Admiral Hackett, there was an incident while the Normandy had been on a mission."

"Tell me, Zaal," Shepard demanded.

"Kaidan...Kaidan was killed."

The effect on Shepard was immediate, she burst into howling sobs, falling into Koris' waiting arms. Koris held her tight, he had no love for the Major, but he was a good man and he would forever respect the man for what he did.

After what seemed like hours, Shepard's sob subsided, although still reluctant to leave Koris' arms, "What happened?" She asked quietly into his chest.

"They were on Eden Prime, it was meant to have been a routine supply run, Cerberus were there," Koris stopped at what was to come, he hated to think of the alternative if Kaidan hadn't been so selfless, "Tali walked into a trap, Kaidan rushed to her forcing her out of harms way, there was explosion, shrapnel pierced his armour, there was nothing Dr Chakwas could do. He died in Tali and Liara's arms, he told them to give you a message."

Shepard's body begun to shake, her tears threatening to fall again, "What was it?"

Koris paused, struggling with his own emotions, the Major's death had effected more than he expected it too, partly down to Kaidan's bravery and the fact pain was racing through Shepard and he could do nothing to ease it, "He said he was sorry and that he loved you. Tali told him before he died that you loved him too and that he had nothing to be sorry for."

Shepard gripped on to Koris, "I'll always love him in some way and Tali was right, he had nothing to be sorry for."

Koris stroked her hair, resting his cheek on the top of her head, "Hackett said he wanted you to give the eulogy."

"What would I say?" Shepard didn't really want an answer but she knew Koris would have the right words.

"Say what you feel, you had something special, made a life together. He was brave and he should be remembered for that."

"Why do you always know what to say?"

"Because I know what you need to hear."

"You're upset, Zaal?"

Koris breathed in deeply, "Yeah, I wasn't a fan of Major Alenko, but he was a good man, if he wasn't so brave, we'd be mourning Tali and her son instead, although I rather we didn't have to mourn anyone," Koris heard the gentle breathing of Shepard, he knew she had exhausted herself out crying and sleep was what she needed, it was what he needed too.

* * *

Shepard groaned in frustration, she couldn't seem to get the buttons on her dress blues done up, Koris walked into the bedroom, doing up the uniform for her, "Do you have the eulogy ready?" He asked as she fell into his embrace.

"Yeah, I hate the fact I have to do this, Cerberus need to pay for what they did."

Koris pulled her away slightly to look her eyes, gently he stroked her cheek, "They will, for everything they did to hurt another."

Shepard sighed, "We should go."

Koris and Shepard got a Taxi to the Alenko orchards, Shepard decided that Kaidan should be buried with his parents, especially since Kaidan had left the Orchards to Shepard, the memorial trees Kaidan planted for his parents wouldn't be disturbed. What she would do with them, she hadn't decided, maybe she would retire there one day, right now, it was painful to be there.

Shepard watched as the mourners came to pay their respects to Kaidan, the Quarian Admirals had been the first to show, Han'Gerrel had been the first to approach Kaidan, Shepard watched as he placed something in the coffin next to Kaidan and touch his forehead gently, Shepard knew that was a Quarian sign of respect for the dead. Tali approached Han, who held her to him as she cried, Tali kissed Kaidan's forehead.

Shepard cried as she looked at the 100's of people come to pay their respects, species of most Home worlds, his old biotic squad, she was pleased that Kaidan was respect by many, he deserved respect, he earned more than enough, the second Human Spectre deserved to be honoured. Shepard convinced the Elysium government to change the Shepard Memorial Plaza to the Alenko Memorial Plaza.

Shepard got to the podium, her feet carrying as if they were working in auto pilot, she was about to give the hardest speech of her life about a man she would always love and one of the best officers she had ever known.

"Ladies and gentleman, I was asked as Kaidan's CO and friend to give this eulogy and I do it with a heavy heart. Kaidan was one of the most dedicated and talented officers the Alliance had to offer, he led with grace and honour, fought against injustice and stayed loyal to those he loved. He was Alliance through and through, a great Spectre, the galaxy has lost a hero, there will never be another like him."

Shepard paused as she was going to get personal, delving into Kaidan and her relationship.

"Kaidan to me was more than a crew member, he was a friend and he was the man I loved."

Shepard heard murmurs, but chose to continue.

"It was back on SR-1 when it happened, we took a big risk but I say with all honesty, I don't regret a thing. He has been and always will be a most treasured part of my life. He was the most gentle, kind, loving and attentive man, beautiful and brilliant."

Shepard decided to let her tears fall, it was Kaidan and she would not be ashamed to cry for him.

"I hate that I am here and he isn't, he had so much more offer, not just to the Alliance, but to everyone he knew. I entrusted my ship and crew to him because I knew he would lead them with the conviction and care that I loved about him and he would die for any one of his crew and he did just that. He would be happy to know that Tali and her unborn son are safe, his bravery and love kept them safe and I hope that the baby will know of Kaidan's sacrifice. I will always remember, the crew will remember and he will be missed."

Shepard wasn't sure she could continue, but for Kaidan she carried on.

"But he will never be gone, he will be in our hearts and minds, for our memories of the man will never leave us. He was a part of the Normandy, his spirit will grace us whenever we are within her."

Shepard walked over to his coffin, placing her hand on it.

"I hope, wherever he is now, he isn't alone. I hope he found his parents and Ashley, she'll give him a hard time. I hope Thane is there to greet him, Thane had great respect for Kaidan. I also hope he finds our unborn baby and holds her until I join them."

Shepard leant over the coffin, touching Kaidan gently, her tears falling on his forehead.

"Goodbye Kaidan, I'll meet you at the bar."

Shepard laid a gentle kiss on Kaidan's forehead as she placed her dogs in his hands, she walked away without a second glance to compose herself, she knew she would cry her heart out later, for now, she just wanted to remember the good times they shared.#

The crowd applauded, tears all round, Tali approached Shepard, handing her a tissue, "You did well, Shepard."

"Thanks, that was really hard," Shepard took the the tissue, wiping her eyes with it.

"Me and Han have thought about calling the baby Kaidan, would it be inappropriate? We aren't sure about Human naming customs."

Shepard smiled, hugging her friend tightly, "I couldn't think of a baby more deserving, Kaidan would be thrilled," Shepard stroked Tali's bump, movements tickling the palm of her hand, Shepard leant down gently, "Hey little Kaidan, you are named after one of the most amazing men, your Mother and I have ever known, some day, we will tell you all about him," Shepard felt the happy responsive kicks against her palm.

Tali slipped an arm around Shepard's waist, "Come on, lets go and remember all the good times."

Once the funeral ended, Shepard stood over Kaidan's grave in the darkness, "I hope it was ok, lots of people came to say goodbye. Tali is gonna name her son after you. You better be there to greet me when my time comes Kaidan," Shepard walked away from the grave to the waiting sky car, Shepard felt like she was leaving a piece of her with him.

* * *

Shepard sat on the bed waiting for Koris to come home, she was about to make a tough decision in her life, but it was the right one, she wasn't in the state of mind for anything or anyone.

Koris came in, instantly sensing Shepard's mood, "Calli, what is it?"

"Zaal, I cant do this any more."

"Do what Calli?"

"Us!" Shepard raised her voice, "I cant do us any more, I cant pretend what I feel any more. How can I love you, when I still love Kaidan, I still love Thane too, I cant give you me, I don't have me to give."

Koris backed away from Shepard, "So you're giving up on us?" He asked calmly.

"There isn't an us, Koris. If I had to choose between having Kaidan back or you, I'd pick Kaidan. I just don't love you like I thought I did."

Koris felt the rage raise in him, "So you kept me here, for what?"

"I didn't keep you here, you chose to stay."

"I tried to leave, but you begged me to stay and I did, because I love you," Koris paced around the room angrily, "I was always there, Shepard. I found you in the ruins, prayed for your recovery, I was there when you woke up after Cerberus shot you, I was there when you woke up after your surgery, I listened to you talk about Thane, I held you when you found out Kaidan died, after his funeral, Who else has stuck by you, your crew didn't even bother to come and see you, Kaidan, well he called you a traitor more than once, he wasn't bothered about you when you were still single, but when he found out about you and me, he was suddenly interested. But that apparently wasn't enough for you."

Shepard turned away from Koris, "I'm sorry, Admiral."

"Yeah, I'm sorry too, sorry I fell in love with a cold hearted user like you. The great Admiral Shepard is nothing but a bitch."

Shepard heard Koris to walk out, she jumped when she heard Koris throw something, as he walked out. Shepard cried sinking down to the bed, she wasn't sure what she was crying for, she didn't know if it was his words that stung her or the fact she just ended the best relationship she had ever had.


	10. An Irrefutable truth

_**Authors Notes: Firstly, thanks to MoonSword1994, Mousey57, ShepardisaBOSS, Saddles18 and the guest Jess for their lovely reviews.**_

_**Secondly, it was never going to be a permanent separation.**_

* * *

**An Irrefutable truth**

Anderson sat at his desk going through Vega's colony reports. Anderson picked Vega to be the new Ambassador after glowing performance reviews from both Shepard and Kaidan. He sighed at the memory of Kaidan, he was a great officer and he was gone far too soon.

Anderson looked up as he heard his office door open, Hackett stepped into the room strolling towards the desk, "We need to talk about Shepard," Hackett said sternly, but Anderson could see the worry in his eyes.

"What's wrong?" Anderson asked, he had been so busy recently, he never actually thought to check on Shepard.

"She hasn't been out of her apartment in 2 months."

Anderson looked at Hackett in alarm, "What, are you sure?"

"I'm sure, I've had people keep an eye on her, she has food delivered once a week, only visitors are her therapists, Dr Michel said she was physically fit, but Dr Arlis said it's like she's just given up. Alenko's death hit her really hard. She even sent the Quarian Admiral away."

Anderson leant his head on his palms, his thumbs pressed into his temples, "We need to stage an Intervention. Give her the Normandy back, talk to Vega, see if he doesn't mind giving the ship back."

"I've already contacted Vega, he said he'd do anything to have Shepard back, they want her back."

"Good, let's go then," Anderson got from his desk, joining Hackett as they both walked out of his heading to Shepard's apartment.

"I have contacted her friend Jack, she is on the Citadel, she will meet us there."

Anderson and Hackett got to the apartment, Jack standing outside with Miranda and Kasumi, "About damn time, lets get in and get the miserable bitch up," Jack said in her blunt fashion as Kasumi hacked the door.

They stepped into the apartment, it was dark, the blinds where drawn, "Shepard," Anderson called out, he didn't really expect her to answer.

Hackett walked upstairs to her bedroom to find a Shepard on laying on the bed, unmoving and unresponsive, but her eyes were open looking at him, "Shepard, get up!" He demanded.

Shepard didn't move, just stayed in the same position.

Hackett saw Miranda pack her a bag and Jack nodded to him, "Right!" Hackett moved to Shepard's side, in one swift movement, he picked her up from the bed, slinging her over his shoulder, "Come on Shepard, the Normandy is docked and it needs its CO back."

Shepard wriggled in his arms, moaning with indignation, "Put me down Admiral!" She squeaked.

"No!" He said as he carried her down the stairs, "Major Alenko wouldn't want you moping around, the Normandy needs you back, so you're going, you have no say in the matter," Hackett carried her out of the apartment, her body slumped in defeat.

Hackett, much to Shepard's embarrassment and vocal protests, carried Shepard all the way to the Normandy, dumping her unceremoniously in Joker's chair.

"Thanks Admiral!" Shepard said with a hint of attitude.

Hackett ignored it, "You're welcome admiral."

Hackett left the ship as Joker walked into the cockpit, "Well, you look like shit."

"Thank, Joker," Shepard got up from the chair and was pulled into an embrace by Joker.

"He wouldn't want you moping Shepard and Tali said you dumped Koris."

"I don't wanna talk about it."

Joker stroked her hair, "Talk to me Shepard."

"I just didn't love him, that's all."

"Shepard, is that really true?"

Shepard shifted her feet, looking down at them, "No, no it's not."

"Then why?"

"I didn't think I did, how could I if I still love Kaidan and Thane, how could I love him too."

"Because, you aren't limited in love, Shepard."

"Well, too late now, he hates me," Shepard walked away heading to her quarters, she knew she loved Koris more than anything, grief just blocked it away. Without Koris, she felt lost, he was always there, always had the right words.

* * *

Shepard stood in front of the memorial wall, holding Kaidan's plaque in her hands, some of crew stood behind her, heads bowed in respect, slowly she placed the plaque in the middle, a sign of his status as CO of the Normandy, Shepard stepped back, "Sleep well, Major," She said as she saluted.

Shepard sat in Starboard Observation Deck, Kaidan seemed to like spending time in there, when Koris and Gerrel went using it as their quarters. The bed Koris slept on still was made with the sheets he slept on. She got up, walking over to the bed, she sat down, picking up the pillow, she breathed in the scent, it was his scent, Shepard always thought he smelled spicy with a little bit of sweetness when he used her body wash and shampoo. Shepard stretched out on the bed, getting under the covers, surrounded by his scent. She sobbed into the pillow, she missed him so much it hurt, the pain in her chest since he left, seemed to get stronger every passing day.

Shepard sat up in the bed, opening up her Omni tool, she nervous typed out a message to Koris, she just needed speak to him about anything.

_ETC Instant Message (22:00):_

_From: Shepard, Calliope._

_To: Koris, Zaal._

_Subject: Hi._

_I know I'm probably the last person you want to speak to, I just need to even its just text, I just need to speak to you._

Shepard waited to see if he would replied, after the way she ended things, she would understand if never wanted to speak to her again.

Koris slipped into bed after a hard day working, he was busy sorting out the civilian jobs on Rannoch and he was exhausted after it. His omni tool pinged to say he had a message, he groaned, opening up his omni tool, he sat up immediately when he saw the message, although he didn't know how to reply, he needed Tali's advice. He dressed himself and headed over to Tali's home.

Gerrel opened the door to him, "Han, I need to speak to Tali."

Gerrel stepped to the side, letting Koris in, "Sure, she's resting on the sofa."

Koris walked in, "Tali, I need some advice."

Tali stroked her growing bump, "About what?"

Koris sat down, his chin on his hands, "Shepard, she contacted me."

Tali sat up with her back straight, "What did she say?"

Koris sighed, "She said, she just wanted to speak to me."

"So speak to her, she obviously misses you."

"I don't know if I can let her in to hurt me again."

Tali shifted next to Koris, taking his hand in hers, "Zaal, she misses you, talk to her."

Koris sighed, "Ok, I'll talk to her," Koris went home, getting into bed, his fingers hovered over the call button, he pushed himself to press it, after a while Shepard answered.

"Zaal?" Koris noted that Shepard sounded uncharacteristically shaking.

"Yeah, I thought talking to you like this would be better. Not disturbing you am I?"

"No, I'm sitting on your bed in the Normandy. Since when did you learn to read Shakespeare, or Human love poetry?" Shepard laughed a little.

Koris found himself laughing with her, "You knew a lot of my culture, I thought I'd learn someone yours."

"My favourite poem is in that book."

"Read it to me."

Shepard begun to read the poem, Koris settled on his bed, listening to her soothing voice.

"Zaal, will you read something to me?"

"Of course," Koris read a Quarian poem to her, she was silent after he finished, "Calli?"

A sleepy Shepard replied, "I'm still here."

"Get some sleep, Cal."

"Ok, I miss you."

"I miss you too, goodnight Calli,"

"Night Zaal."

After the call ended, Zaal smiled, he was glad Shepard had contacted him, he'd pushed her out of his mind for 2 months, he didn't realise just how much he missed her.

Shepard placed the data-pad back on the self, she felt so much lighter from just having to speak to him. She smiled as she settled on the bed to sleep, tonight she knew she would sleep well, his voice fresh in her head and his scent surrounded her, all she needed was his arms around her and she would be happy again.

* * *

The shuttle landed on the abandoned Cerberus research station, Hackett had reports of Cerberus leaving the area but the station although abandoned was still fully functional.

"This place is definitely not abandoned," Garrus said as he moved forward through station.

"Yeah, I wonder why Cerberus left so quickly," Shepard replied.

"Lola, you don't think they were trying to make more Husks, do you?"

"I don't know, James, but I wouldn't say never to anything Cerberus did."

The group moved through the base coming to what looked like a row of cells, Garrus went down one side and James the other, both checking to see if the cells were empty.

Shepard walked ahead slightly, a weak voice came out of the darkness, "Help me."

Shepard walked to the cell looking in side, "Come closer to me."

A Quarian male, similar age to Koris and Gerrel came closer, it was then when Shepard realised who it was, "Rael'Zorah?"

"You know me?"

Shepard opened the cell, "I'm Admiral Shepard, I was once your Daughters CO," Shepard helped Zorah out of the cell.

"Is Tali ok?"

Shepard felt annoyance and anger nag at her slightly, "Yes, I suppose she is, despite the shit you got her in regarding the experiments on the Geth. What were you thinking?"

"I was trying to gain an edge over the Geth."

"Your stupidity nearly got Tali exiled, I wasn't gonna let that happen."

Zorah winced in pain, "Did you give Admiral Gerrel my research?"

"No, Tali hid it to protect you, its a shame Tali loves you more than ever loved her," Shepard narrowed her eyes at him, this guy clearly didn't get it.

"How dare y-"

Shepard interrupted him quickly, "Save it Admiral, you nearly cost your own Daughter everything. Raan couldn't protect her due to her closeness to Tali, Gerrel didn't want to believe that Tali would endanger the fleet, he also knew what you were doing but respected Tali's decision not to give it to them. Koris, as much as I love that man, he was an ass but he had reasons to be, Xen well I'd rather not talk about her."

"What happened between Quarians and the Geth?"

"There's peace between you. It was surprisingly easy to achieve if you were willing to try. Having to talk Gerrel down was not easy."

"How?" Zorah was stunned, obviously like all Quarians, he didn't believe it was possible.

"I asked the Geth if they wanted to fight, they didn't, but they would If Quarians kept attacking, I convinced Gerrel to stop. Geth meant what they said and allowed the Quarians to return to Rannoch."

"Have you been there?" Zorah asked quietly.

"I have, it's beautiful, Quarians have settled in now. Once you're back on the Normandy, you can have treatment, then you can take off the suit."

"It seems I missed a lot."

"You have, although I wouldn't feel guilty about it. Tali is having a baby, a Son."

Zorah pulled his mask off, a genuine smile on his face, "Who is the Father?"

"Oooo, that you might not be happy about," Shepard winced a little at his coming reaction, "He's Gerrel's son."

"Excuse me?"

"Hey, they are very much in love, Han worships Tali," Shepard watched as Garrus and James released more Quarians, "Rael, what were Cerberus doing?"

"I only heard bits, but the main point was to develop a illness to Quarians that would kill in 24 hours, if it worked on us, then they'd adapt it to other species."

"That's why left isn't it, they succeeded?"

"Yes, a young Quarian named Kenn was the first to die, his partner Lia, she's pregnant, she never came back from the medical bay."

Shepard punch something hard, "I met Kenn and Lia. I need to see if she's alive, go with Garrus and James."

Shepard run towards the medical bay, she almost vomited at the sight of the bodies that littered the hallways, Cerberus were gonna pay. As Shepard got closer to the medical bay, she heard desperate screams, she frantically hacked the lock of the door, once she was through, she found Lia on a bed, she was obviously labour and very sick.

"Admiral Shepard? Please help my baby."

"How sick are you, Lia?" Shepard asked as she run to Lia's side.

"I've not long, Kenn, he died last week. Please just save my baby," Lia pleaded and Shepard felt her heart break.

"Ok, you gotta push, Lia," Lia nodded pushing hard.

"One more, Lia, good girl," Shepard pulled the screaming infant from it's Mother, instantly wrapping it in a blanket she find in the supply cabinet.

Lia sat up to look at the baby, "Is it a boy or girl?"

Shepard looked to see, "A boy."

Lia gave her tiny Son a look over, choosing not to touch him, "Take him, please. I want you to have him, he'll be safe with you, promise me you'll look after him."

Shepard couldn't help crying, "I will, I'll love him like he's my own."

Lia coughed hard, blood coming out of her mouth, "Go, blow this place up, save the fleet," Lia continue to cough hard.

"I'll make sure everyone knows what happen to you and the others," Shepard's heart wrenched as she walked away with the baby, she wanted to stay with Lia and hold her hand, but the baby couldn't have any more exposure to the disease than he already had.

Shepard got back to the shuttle, she was crying hard as she sat down with the boy in her arms.

Zorah looked at her with sadness, "Did Lia get to see him before she died?"

Shepard just nodded, James sat next to her, "Lola, I found what looks like a patient list, all Quarians and a manifesto with a Ships name and registry information, I think this ship is headed to the Veil now."

Shepard wiped her tears away, "We better get to the Veil then."

* * *

Shepard sat at her desk with a tiny Quarian nestled in her arms, she pressed the vid call button, she had to warn Koris about Cerberus.

Shepard waited for him to answer, eventually he appeared on screen, "Zaal, you need to be careful of ships in the area."

"Calli, what's going on?"

"Cerberus has been running experiments on Quarians, the goal was to custom make a disease that targeted Quarians and killed them in 24 hours, they are on their way to the Veil now, how they plan to do it, I don't know."

"Did you find any unaffected Quarians?"

"Yeah, several including Rael'Zorah."

"Ah, does he know about Tali and Han?"

"Yeah, I thought it best to warn him, so just give them a warning," Shepard looked down towards a grizzly baby, Shepard grabbed a bottle from the desk, watching as the baby happily suckled on the teat.

"Calli, I'm sure there is an explanation to why you have a baby in your arms," Zaal said questioningly.

"His mother was ill, her name was Lia, I helped her deliver the baby, she died shortly after," Shepard felt her tears start up again, "She made me promise to love him as if he was my own."

"What about the father?

"His name was Kenn, he died the week before. Zaal, Cerberus better get ready, because I'm gonna make them pay."

"You'll have the weight of the Quarian's behind you. Are you coming to the Veil?" Zaal was hopeful, he had a desire to see her, even if they stayed friends, he just had to see her.

"Yes, we are about 12 hours out.," Shepard looked to the vid screen her eyes serious, "Please stay safe until I get there."

"I will," Koris paused briefly, "I really need to see you."

Shepard smiled at him, "So stay safe and you will, Night Zaal."

"Night Calli."

Shepard got up from the chair, carrying the baby to his cot, she gently laid him down, he settled quickly. She decided that she open herself up to Koris completely and hope he wanted to be with her and the baby as a family, she could see it in her mind and she liked the feeling it gave her.

* * *

The Admiral's stood on the bridge of the Neema, listening to a freighter Captain tell them they had an injured Quarian on board, Koris had the comms muted, "This exactly what Shepard warned me against, stall them."

Gerrel nodded, "We'll let you dock as soon as quarantine procedures are in place."

The Captain got agitated, "We are running out of time, just let us dock."

"I'm afraid we cant right now," Gerrel looked at Koris, "Lieutentant, prepare the weapons but do it discreetly."

"Aye Aye Sir."

"How long until Shepard arrives?" Raan asked Koris.

"About an hour, they wont be long. We need to keep them quiet until then."

After an hour of trying to keep the Freighter Captain quiet, a lieutenant informed them of the Normandy's presence in the system, "Admirals, SSV Normandy has entered the system."

Shepard's voice came over the comm system, "Cerberus Vessel, move away from the Quarian ship and stand down."

"This is for the good of humanity," The captain raged.

"I repeat," The Quarians could hear Shepard grit her teeth, "Stand down!"

"Cerberus brought you back, gave you life again and you betray us by working for and protecting these Aliens."

"Akuze, Citadel, Horizon, Admiral Kahoku, Major Alenko, Thessia, Mars, Thane Krios, Tarquin Victus, Lia'Vael, Kenn'Zya, Nyreen Kandros. I have seen first hand the shit you people have done in the name of Humanity, so if you think you can sway me into giving up the Quarians to you, who by the way, are worth more and give more to the galaxy than you mother fuckers ever will, you are very much mistaken. As I guaranteed the Illusive man. I will hunt down and kill every single person who remains loyal to Cerberus. Joker open fire."

The Admirals watched as the ship was destroyed, a lieutenant interrupted their thoughts, "Admirals, SSV Normandy has requested permission to dock."

"Granted," Koris suddenly felt nervous about seeing Shepard again.

* * *

Shepard walked off the ship holding the baby in her arms, ignoring everything else, she headed to Koris' quarters on deck 2. She pressed the button next to the door, hoping he was there.

Koris heart lurched as the door chimed, he just knew it was Shepard, he felt like he did the time he went to her apartment. The door slid open revealing a breath taking Shepard holding a small Quarian, Koris tried to play it cool.

"Hi Zaal," Shepard said with a smile on her face.

"Come in, you can put him down on the bed if you need too," He watched as Shepard gently put the baby on the bed, placing a blanket over him and tucking around his little legs.

"Thanks, he's just been fed, he'll be ok for a while."

"Motherhood suits you."

Shepard chuckled, "I have no idea what I'm doing."

"Most first time parents don't."

Shepard walked towards him, "So, how have you been?"

"Busy with work, not much else. What about you?"

"Depressed, didn't leave the apartment in 2 months and then working, then being a Mama."

They stood in silence briefly until Shepard broke the silence, "Zaal, I need to say something to you and you need to shut up while I say it."

Zaal nodded, his palms sweating, he had no idea what she was gonna say.

"Zaal, I love you, I'm in love with you and living without you is utterly shit. I've felt so lost without you, you always had the magic touch, the magic words. I need you and I want you in my life, for my whole life. If you want to say no, then I'll understand, but I want us to be a family together."

Koris felt every inch of him exploding with joy, "What are you saying, Calli?" Koris asked to make sure.

"I'm asking you to be with me...forever."


End file.
